


Group Chat for the Eric Cartman Haters

by DysfunctionalRequest



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Comedy, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gay, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Injury, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Romance, Sick Kyle Broflovski, South Park Group Chat, hugs for everyone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22114225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DysfunctionalRequest/pseuds/DysfunctionalRequest
Summary: A South Park group chat in which there is drama, crushes and a whole lot of gayON HIATUS DUE TO WORK OVERLOAD, BACK SOON (HOPEFULLY)
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kyle Broflovski & Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski/Kenny McCormick, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Token Black/Clyde Donovan
Comments: 43
Kudos: 226





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so please drop a comment if you can, or kudos, because I don’t know what people are thinking, or what to improve if no one says anything so...on with the show ;)

<Cartman_the_man created group chat _Fuck This_ >

<Cartman_the_man added _Kyle B, Kenny McDick and Stan_just_Stan_ to the group chat >

Cartman_the_man: you guys keep your pussy problems and gay shit to yourselves and we’ll get along just fine

KennyMcDick: D I C K S

Stan_just _Stan: Wendy’s my gal

Cartman_the_man: that bitch?

Stan_just_Stan: Jesus

Stan_just_stan: how long did that take?

KennyMcDick: about 5 mins bro

Cartman_the_man: new record hehe

KennyMcDick: where’s ginger?

Stan_just_Stan: I was calling him a few mins ago I dunno where he went

Cartman_the_man: probably too scared of me the li’l bitch

<Kyle B changed the group chat’s name to _Fuck Cartman >_

<Kyle B changed Cartman_the_man’s username >

<Kyle B took away admin control from Cartman_the_fatass >

Cartman_the_fatass: hey!

Cartman_the _fatass: WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY NAME?!

Kyle B: sorry I was stabbing myself with insulin

KennyMcDick: that’s fine we don’t want you passing out on this riveting conversation

Cartman_the_fatass: screw you guys

Stan_just_Stan: I was getting worried but I’m fine now

Kyle B: yeah I was snacking on some pizza when I was calling you

KennyMcDick: what were you calling about hmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Stan_just_Stan: secrets

KennyMcDick: U w U ???

Cartman_the_fatass: Jesus guys you are killing me here

< KennyMcDick changed Stan_just_Stan’s username >

Kyle’s bro: oh?

Kyle’s bro: oh

Kyle B: pretty true

KennyMcDick: oh I see you have come back

Kyle’s bro: and???

KennyMcDick: S E C R E T S

KennyMcDick: hey can we invite more people?

Cartman_the_fatass: none of your gay tribe

Kyle B: O O F

<Kyle’s Bro changed Kyle B’ s username>

Gingerbread: oh brilliant

Gingerbread: how original

KennyMcDick: OH IM IN LOVE STAN YOU GENIUS

Kyle’s Bro: yeah I thought it was pretty funny

Kyle’s Bro: hey Kyle what are you doing now?

Gingerbread: chilling with Ike. Why?

Kyle’s Bro: I’m coming round yours this place is dead

KennyMcDick: can I come?

Gingerbread: sure I can’t say no to you

Cartman_the_fatass: lowkey gay

Gingerbread: SHUT UP CARTMAN THIS IS WHY WE CANT SAY NICE THINGS AHHH

KennyMcDick: Jesus you literally exploded

Kyle’s Bro: wow

Kyle’s Bro: W O W

KennyMcDick: let the ginger let off some steam or he’ll eat our souls

Cartman_the_fatass: can’t argue with that

Gingerbread: this is Ike now. Kyle has literally started screaming and cursing Cartman’s ass

Kyle’s Bro: oh hi Ike

KennyMcDick: oh my

Cartman_the_fatass: it was just one comment geez

Gingerbread: I think it’s just pent up stress coming out in the form of Cartman hatred

Gingerbread: Wait you called him gingerbread haha haha I’m crying

Gingerbread: Jesus when Ike takes my phone don’t encourage him

Kyle’s Bro: oh hi Kyle

KennyMcDick: I like your little bro he’s a pretty cool Canadian

Kyle’s Bro: yeah but he’s also a little shit when he wants to be

Gingerbread: when you’re done assessing my brother…

KennyMcDick: I’m outside your bedroom window

KennyMcDick: it’s cold let me in

Gingerbread: what?!

Gingerbread: dude ive told you that I leave the door unlocked why do you keep coming through the window

KennyMcDick: tradition

Cartman_the_fatass: how many times has kenny gone through your window

Kyle’s Bro: I’ll be there in like 10 mins

Kyle’s Bro: just be walking my dog

<Kyle’s Bro left the chat>

Gingerbread: okay

Cartman_the_fatass: is anyone gonna invite me?!

KennyMcDick: no

Gingerbread: n o w a y

Cartman_the_fatass: go fuck yourselves

KennyMcDick: only if you’re watching ;)

Gingerbread: oh man

Gingerbread: I think you killed Cartman with the power of gay

KennyMcDick: I’m always slaying queen

Gingerbread: I’m gonna invite Tweek here

KennyMcDick: I didn’t know Tweek was on your contacts

Gingerbread: I do have other friends besides you you know

KennyMcDick: I’m your favourite I hope?

Gingerbread: in the top three

KennyMcDick: good enough for me

KennyMcDick: Tweek will invite Craig and everyone else

Gingerbread: THAT’S the plan, he asked me just now

KennyMcDick: wow your more organised than I thought, ginger

Gingerbread: Charmed

Cartman_the_fatass: ay no don’t invite Tweek you faggot!

KennyMcDick: hold your tongue

KennyMcDick: I do not accept any homophobic slurs here

Gingerbread: oof

Gingerbread: serious Kenny

KennyMcDick: I really hate this fat boy

Gingerbread: don’t we all?

<KennyMcDick changed Cartman_the_fatass’s username>

Gingerbread: oh noice

Fatboy: HEY!

Gingerbread: hey, fatbooyyyy

KennyMcDick: _fatbooooyyyy_

Gingerbread: **F A T B OOOOOOIIIIIIIIIYYYYY**

KennyMcDick: xfiuwhidcn I’m crying

Fatboy: you guys god

Gingerbread: god ain’t here, it’s just FAT **_BBBBOOOOOOIOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY_**

KennyMcDick: Kyle you are killing me I can’t type fdybsyndfkbs

Gingerbread: where are you anyway? I can here you laughing

KennyMcDick: grabbing a snack from the kitchen

Gingerbread: s n a c c

KennyMcDick: S N A C C

KennyMcDick: S N A C C for the T H I C C boy

Gingerbread: FOR THE FAT ** _BOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY_**

KennyMcDick: GCFKBSYJSTONSGKFSDAXBNI

KennyMcDick: Jesus Kyle I haven’t laughed like this for ages

Gingerbread: good laugh?

KennyMcDick: the best laugh

Fatboy: GAY

KennyMcDick: shut up Fatboooooooioiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyyy

Gingerbread: FatBbbbbOOOOIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOIIIYYYYYYYYYIIIOYYYYY

KennyMcDick: OMG Stan just walked in as we were screaming Fatboiiyyy

Gingerbread: oh man hahaha

Gingerbread: oh damn I forgot

<Gingerbread invited Tweek to the chat>

Kyle’s Bro: PM me for a sec

Gingerbread: I know you would want to as soon as I invited him

<Kyle’s Bro left the chat>

<Gingerbread left the chat>

KennyMcDick: eh????

KennyMcDick: I smell secrets

Tweek: oh hi kenny!

KennyMcDick: Tweek do you know anything about this D R A M A

Tweek: too much pressure!!!

<KennyMcDick changed Tweek’s username>

TooMuchPressure: it’s a secret

KennyMcDick: it’s fine don’t stress

KennyMcDick: I’ll ask the other two

KennyMcDick: I’ll ambush

TooMuchPressure: thanks Ken

FatBoy: screw your gay shit

<Fatboy left the chat>

KennyMcDick: I didn’t even realise he was still listening

~

_Private message_ Stan >> Kyle B

Stan: so?

Stan: Tweek???

Stan: you asked advice???

Stan:Kyle don’t leave me on edge

Kyle B: yeah we talked

Stan: and???

Stan: Kyle???

Kyle B: he Err

Kyle B: Tweek says he’s single

Stan: really? But Butters…

Kyle B: that was a rumour…nothing real

Stan: Dude…

Stan: you have to ask him

Kyle B: it’s not that simple

Stan: it never is, is it?

Kyle B: how did you and Wendy…y’know

Stan: I was as scared as you were, but one day I just went for it. I asked her out in the library dude

Kyle B: oh

Stan: have you came out to anyone else yet?

Stan: does he even know your gay?

Kyle B: no

Kyle B: I came out to you, Tweek and Ike. That’s it

Stan: KYYYLLE

Kyle B: I know

Stan: he needs to know at least so you stand a chance!!! I bet he’s head over heels for you!!! I catch him staring at you sometimes, dude! You should see it!!!

Kyle B: whenever I get close I chicken out

Stan: don’t be too hard on yourself

Kyle B: I know…Tweek said he’s gonna invite me to their big gay chat when I’m ready…

Stan: you want to?

Kyle B: maybe

Kyle B: yes

Stan: dude this could build your confidence up so darn much

Stan: be the gay

Kyle B: wow, words of wisdom

Stan: Seriously dude, you hide so much from everyone

Stan: except maybe me

Kyle B: you always know when I’m hiding anything you ass

Stan: that’s kinda in the contract of super best friend


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay rises

_Private Message_ Tweak T >> Kyle B

Tweak T: you okay?

Kyle B: no

Tweak T: Aw Kyle

Kyle B: I’m blushing so hard and screaming in the cubicle please come and get me

Kyle B: he gave no warning

Kyle B: but god damn

Tweak T: whenever he does that I do the same, though I’m with Craig

Tweak T: ahh which cubicle

Tweak T: there’s only one closed oh

Kyle B: I’m a mess

Kyle B: he took off his shirt god damn it! Without warning! And it was so he could compare shirt sizes with fucking Cartman what the hell

Tweak T: you okay? You said that out loud

Tweak T: hey you can sit on the gay table at lunch if your ready

Tweak T: build up your confidence

Tweak T: you want some coffee?

Tweak T: Kyle?

Kyle B: yeah yeah I do

~

_Private Message_ Stan >> Kyle B

Kyle B: hey Stan I’m sitting with Tweak for lunch so keep Kenny on your table or I swear to god I’m gonna cry

Stan: you go bro

~

_Fuck Cartman_

_<_ KennyMcDick is online>

KennyMcDick: hey where did Kyle go?

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: he went to inject himself with insulin

KennyMcDick: has he even eaten

KennyMcDick: Stan?

KennyMcDick: Stan I think you aren’t telling me something

Fatboy: ay why is Jew sitting with the gays?!

<Kyle’s Bro left the chat>

KennyMcDick ok something is suspicious here

KennyMcDick: Stan get back here

Fatboy: the jew’s a fag?

KennyMcDick: he might just want to sit with Craig and co

Fatboy: no he’s totally coming out to them right now

Fatboy: look

KennyMcDick: he’s blushing

KennyMcDick: Jesus

Fatboy: aren’t you apart of the gay group? Ask them!

KennyMcDick: if you insist…

<KennyMcDick added _Craig, TacoMASTER, That_one_black_guy and Butter_my_nutters_ to the chat>

Fatboy: NO YOU STUPID POOR PERSON I DIDN’T WANT THEM HERE

TacoMASTER: poor person?

That_one_black_guy: damn you gotta do better than that

Craig: why am I here

Craig: goodbye

<Craig left the chat>

TacoMASTER: kenny I assume this was you why did you pull us all here if we already have a gay cha cha chat

KennyMcDick: why is Kyle sitting with you

That_one_black_guy: you didn’t get my consent to be openly revealed as a gay boi like this

KennyMcDick: don’t avoid the question

TacoMASTER: Craig says he knows

TacoMASTER: so he won’t tell us

That_one_black_guy: why the hell do you think? He’s gay man

KennyMcDick: he said that

KennyMcDick: I didn’t know

KennyMcDick: what a way to come out

KennyMcDick: but why

TacoMASTER: so many q u e s t i o n s

That_one_black_guy: we broke kenny

<That_one_black_guy changed KennyMcDick’s username>

BrokenGay: that’s it I’m going over to eat with you guys

BrokenGay: what is going on here

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: lunch is almost over, there’s no point kenny

Kyle’s Bro: why is it so important?

BrokenGay: I dunno

BrokenGay: usually my gaydar never lets me down

Kyle’s Bro: I don’t think that’s the best approach to figure out whether someone’s gay

BrokenGay: it’s never failed me

<TacoMASTER changed BrokenGay’s username>

That_one_black_guy: until now

BrokenGaydar: until now

Fatboy: what’s a gaydar

TacoMASTER: …

That_one_black_guy: …

BrokenGaydar: …

Kyle’s Bro: …

<Craig is online>

Craig: you are an idiot

<Craig left the chat>

Fatboy: screw you guys

BrokenGaydar: thanks for the offer, but I’m staying single for now

<Fatboy left the chat>

TacoMASTER: HHHHHGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

That_one_black_guy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Kyle’s Bro: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAAAAANNNNNN KENNY KENNY KENNY

TacoMASTER: ok it’s worth staying on this chat just to piss off Eric Cartman

That_one_black_guy: I’m down with that boy

~

_Private Message_ Craig >> Tweak T

Craig: it’s Kenny isn’t it

Craig: Kyle’s got a big ol’ crush on Kenny

Craig: not a bad choice

Tweak T: gah! How did you know I wasn’t supposed to say!

Craig: easy babe I guessed

Tweak T: oh good

Craig: so he finally came out?

Tweak T: yeah he was really nervous when we were talking in the bathroom

Tweak T: he was scared of what people thought of him, and whether they would see him differently

Tweak T: you know Kyle, always worrying over nothing

Craig: his anxiety rivals yours

Tweak T: yeah but he doesn’t have any medication for it

Craig: what

Tweak T: his mom’s a bitch and thinks he’s fine

Craig: Jesus Kyle

Craig: is that why he’s stressing so much?

Tweak T: yeah

Craig: he told you this

Tweak T: we’ve become good friends over the last month

Tweak T: I like him

Craig: he’s a nice ginger

Craig: I’ll invite him to the gay chat tonight

Tweak T: I’m actually gonna do some investigating myself

Craig: Tweak…I like this new side of you…

Tweak T: I’m determined

Tweak T: and high on coffee

Craig: god d a m n

Craig: I’m coming over to yours babe

~

Group chat >> _Stay Away Hetero’s_

<SpacemanBOUNCE added Gingerbread to the chat >

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

<TacoMASTER is online>

<That_one_black_dude is online>

<BrokenGaydar is online>

<Coffee_is_gay is online>

<The_UwU is online>

Butter_my_nutters: oh hi Kyle

The_UwU: Kyle is gay? That explain a whole lot

The_UwU: that was why he didn’t react when I said his ass was cute…ooohhh

TacoMASTER: revelations

That_one_black_guy: the universe is colliding together

The_UwU: o o o o f f f f

TacoMASTER: I can’t hear the sounds of brains exploding over the clap of my ass cheeks

The_UwU: flappity flap

BrokenGaydar: give me some of that ass

Gingerbread: Kenny you can’t steal an ass from another when they already have a boyfriend

That_one_black_guy: yeah give me Clyde’s ass back

Butter_my_nutters: welcome to the big old gay club Kyle

Butter_my_nutters: it happens a lot

Coffee_is_gay: my ass has already been stolen too many times Jesus

SpacemanBOUNCE: it’s not stealing if it’s with CONSENT

TacoMASTER: speaking of asses, mine is flapping away

Gingerbread: _clapping increases x10_

BrokenGaydar: Im gonna get it

<The_UwU changed BrokenGaydar’s username>

Ass_Swiper: gimme that ass

Butter_my_nutters: I gotta say that fits

The_UwU: Kenny, the great ass swiper

TacoMASTER: SOMEONE CATCH MY ASS ITS FLAPPING AWAY

Coffee_is_gay: WGDHHFHJHDYIBDDHHDDNDDHN

That_one_black_guy: GOD DAMN I NEED CLYDES ASS BACK

SpacemanBOUNCE: I can’t catch it it’s too fast

SpacemanBOUNCE: I’ll throw Tweak

Coffee_is_gay: I’ve just been launched

TacoMASTER: MY ASS IS TOO FAST SOMEONE GET IT

Butter_my_nutters: god you are making me laugh so much that my dad is complaining

The_UwU: _*the ass moves faster, whizzing through the air*_

Ass_Swiper: _*it slaps Kyle in the face*_

Gingerbread: _*kyle screams, setting the ass on fire*_

TacoMASTER: MY ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGHHHHH

That_one_black_guy: it shall clap no more

SpacemanBOUNCE: a moment of silence for Clyde’s ass

Coffee_is_gay: * _slurps coffee*_

Ass_Swiper: _*smokes a joint*_

Butter_my_nutters: no smoking in a public area please

Ass_Swiper: my bad

Ass_Swiper: _*puts joint up arse*_

Gingerbread: classy

Ass_Swiper: you did set the ass on fire

<The_UwU changed Gingerbread’s username>

AssArsonist: true

AssArsonist: Nice Bebe

Ass_Swiper: it ain’t just you hair that flamin’ boi

AssArsonist: my ass is on fire

That_one_black_guy: well Clyde’s is

TacoMASTER: no it’s just ass ash now

Butter_my_nutters: I’ll take you to an ass implant place, it’s fine

TacoMASTER: thanks Butters

That_one_black_guy: in memory of Clyde’s beautiful ass

<SpacemanBOUNCE pinned the message to the channel>

Ass_Swiper: it’s all ass here

TacoMASTER: I’ve got to find a new ass

<TacoMASTER has left the chat>

<That_one_black_guy has left that me chat>

The_UwU: oop

SpacemanBOUNCE: oop indeed

Butter_my_nutters: so Kyle how was your first day coming out to your friends?

AssArsonist: it was better than I thought

AssArsonist: and I like this chat

SpacemanBOUNCE: after a careful analysis, I conclude that Kyle is a gay queen that should forever be one of us

AssArsonist: the gay squad rises

The_UwU: you fit right in


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen

_Group Chat >>> _Stay Away Hetero

<Ass_Swiper is online>

Ass_Swiper: hey Kyle

Ass_Swiper: Kyle

Ass_Swiper: @AssArsonist

Ass_Swiper: hello Kyle

<Coffee_is_gay is online>

Coffee_is_gay: why are you awake and calling for Kyle at three am?

Ass_Swiper: why are you awake?

Coffee_is_gay: gnomes

Coffee_is_gay: fucking gnomes

<TacoMASER is online>

TacoMASTER: god damn gnomes. Kill them. Night.

<TacoMASTER left the chat>

Ass_Swiper: sometimes I worry about Clyde

Coffee_is_gay: I think we all do

Ass_Swiper: Kyle

Ass_Swiper: KYLE

Coffee_is_gay: most people actually sleep at 3am

Ass_Swiper: I’m just lonely

Ass_Swiper: Can’t sleep

Ass_Swiper: Kyle is usually up but not tonight

Coffee_is_gay: gah! Isn’t that bad for you?!! Ahhhhhhh

Ass_Swiper: I dunno I’m no doctor

Coffee_is_gay: why Kyle?

Ass_Swiper: what are you suggesting?????

Coffee_is_gay: nothing!!! I just asked y’know

Ass_Swiper: Kyle gets it

Ass_Swiper: he’s my bro

<AssArsonist is online>

AssArsonist: touched

Ass_Swiper: KYYYYYLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE

AssArsonist: KENNY

Coffee_is_gay: hey

AssArsonist: hey Tweek welcome to the night club

Ass_Swiper: with your host Kenny

Coffee_is_gay: I don’t wanna be tired I’m bailing

<Coffee_is_gay left the chat>

AssArsonist: bye

Ass_Swiper: PM?

AssArsonist: sure

<AssArsonist left the chat>

<Ass_Swiper left the chat>

<The_UwU is online>

The_UwU: UWU???????!!!!!!

The_UwU: I smell a ship

<The_UwU is offline>

~

_Private Message Kyle B >>> Mysterion _

Kyle B: sorry I didn’t look at my phone until now

Mysterion: that’s okay

Mysterion: I was just feeling kinda lonely and you are always awake

Kyle B: yeah I know

Kyle B: I feel kinda hot

Mysterion: …

Kyle B: NOT LIKE THAT

Kyle B: KENNY

Mysterion: ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)

Kyle B: NO

Kyle B: like in body heat hot. Not that

Mysterion: I’m just playing with you

Kyle B: once again, charmed

Mysterion: what, do you think you’re getting sick?

Kyle B: I hope not

Kyle B: I feel about average

Kyle B: this was about you, not me

Mysterion: oh?

Kyle B: am I curing your loneliness?

Mysterion: always do

Mysterion: I have a question that’s been bugging me though

Mysterion: but it might sound a little bitchy

Kyle B: I can’t be offended by Kenny McCormick

Kyle B: what is it?

Mysterion: how come you never told me you were gay?

Kyle B: oh

Kyle B: well

Kyle B: I didn’t tell anyone really until yesterday

Mysterion: oh

Kyle B: I was just scared

Mysterion: of me?

Kyle B: no.

Mysterion: what then?

Kyle B: I dunno. I’m a mess

Mysterion: a good mess

Kyle B: I’m touched

Kyle B: Kenny?

Mysterion: yeah?

Kyle B: Nevermind. Get some rest there’s a test tomorrow

Mysterion: night Kyle

Kyle B: night Kenny

<Kyle B is offline>

<Mysterion is offline>

~

_Private Message_ Mysterion >> Tweek T:

Mysterion: I’m gay

Mysterion: I’m so gay

Mysterion: Tweek I’m GAY

Tweek T: I know. We all know…why are you telling me this????

Mysterion: did you know he was gay after all this time, when I was doubting myself???

Tweek T: no – he told me when you had “given up”…why???

Tweek T: Kenny?

Mysterion: shit I’m gay for Kyle all over again

~

_Group Chat_ >>> Fuck Cartman

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: SUP FUCKERS

<Gingerbread is online>

<Fatboy is online>

<BrokenGaydar is online>

<TooMuchPressure is online>

<Craig is online>

<That_one_black_guy is online>

<TacoMASTER is online>

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

Butter_my_nutters: wow there sure is a lot of people here huh?

Fatboy: shut up butters

Gingerbread: Shut up FATBBBOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYIIIIII

Kyle’s Bro: not this again

Craig: I’m lost

TooMuchPressure: so it’s not just me?

Craig: nope

<BrokenGaydar changed their username>

KennyMcDick: my gaydar isn’t broken

KennyMcDick: I just turned it off

TacoMASTER: first stage of grief: denial

Criag: ¿Qué?

Kyle’s Bro: you tell them Craig

Fatboy: I don’t speak French

That_one_black_guy: I can’t tell whether you are joking

TacoMASTER: you aren’t the only one

Craig: I’m leaving

TooMuchPressure: bye guys!

<Craig left the chat>

<TooMuchPressure left the chat>

Kyle’s Bro: oh Craig needs a nickname

Gingerbread: agreed

KennyMcDick: where are you Kyle anyway?

Kyle’s Bro: yeah you ain’t at the bus

Fatboy: skiving?

Butter_my_nutters: oh boy the bus is here

Kyle’s Bro: KYLE YOU’RE GONNA BE LATE

TacoMASTER: o o p

<That_one_black_guy left the chat>

<TacoMASTER left the chat>

Gingerbread: sorry I slept in

Kyle’s Bro: you missed the bus

Gingerbread: shit

Butter_my_nutters: it isn’t like you to sleep in Kyle

KennyMcDick: are you feeling okay?

KennyMcDick: you said last night…

Gingerbread: how am I going to get to school?

Gingerbread: my parents are gone for two weeks today…how am I going to get there?!

Kyle’s Bro: anyone not at school yet?

Gingerbread: shit shit shit what do I do?

KennyMcDick: calm down Kyle

KennyMcDick: we’ll explain to the teacher

Kyle’s Bro: yeah. We can sort this out

Gingerbread: but how am I going to go to school?

Fatboy: stop scraping the sand off your vagina I’ll give you a lift. I’m late too

Gingerbread: you will?

Kyle’s Bro: Cartman, helping Kyle?

KennyMcDick: came a long way since 4th grade am I right?

Fatboy: shut up

Fatboy: where are you?

Gingerbread: outside my house

Gingerbread: at the corner

Kyle’s Bro: see you in school Kyle

KennyMcDick: everything is fine now, don’t worry.

Gingerbread: yeah

<Kyle’s Bro left the chat>

<KennyMcDick left the chat>

Fatboy: I’m coming Jew just don’t move

Gingerbread: thanks

Fatboy: …don’t mention it

Fatboy: I’m serious. Tell no one else

~

_Fatboy_ created group chat >>> _Kyle’s babysitters_

 _< Fatboy _added Kyle’s Bro, KennyMcDick to the chat>

Fatboy: Kyle’s never late

Kyle’s Bro: agreed.

KennyMcDick: how was he? Did he look different

Fatboy: he didn’t answer back when I called him a stupid Jew

Fatboy: or when I purposefully braked when he was drinking some water

Kyle’s Bro: not a word?

KennyMcDick: Cartman you are a dick

Fatboy: he only glared at me once during the whole god damn thing

Kyle’s Bro: there’s something up

Fatboy: he’s never been so polite

KennyMcDick: he said he was feeling warm yesterday night

Kyle’s Bro: shit

Kyle’s Bro: Cartman what happened when you got to the school

Fatboy: I let him run free

Fatboy: I don’t give a shit where that Jew goes

KennyMcDick: Cartman you ass

Fatboy: AY! Kyle doesn’t listen to anyone, you know that!

Kyle’s Bro: for once I agree with Cartman

KennyMcDick: lets keep a close eye on him

Kyle’s Bro: agreed


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More things happen

_Private message_ Tweek T >>> Craig

Tweek T: it’s all coming together ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Craig: what?

Craig: who taught you to make a Lenny Face?

Tweek T: Kenny likes Kyle

Craig: what?

Tweek T: He’s got a fat crush still

Craig: oh

Craig: **_oh_**

Craig: damn

Craig: now we just have to get them together?

Tweek T: yup

Tweek T: but that might be hard so I’m asking Stan for help

Craig: good idea Kyle’s as stubborn as FUCK at times

Craig: I mean all the time

Craig: speaking of Kyle, he looked a little off in my physics class

Tweek T: yeah I noticed that he was late with Cartman this morning

Craig: ask Stan about that too babe

Tweek T: can do ;)

Craig: ━╤デ╦︻(▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿̿▀̿ ̿)

Tweek T: wowzers

~

Group chat _Fuck Cartman_

<TooMuchPressure is online>

<Craig is online>

<Fatboy is online>

<Gingerbread is online>

<KennyMcDick is online>

KennyMcDick: funny isn’t it class time?

Fatboy: oh I never noticed. What a shaaame

Craig: yeah, I can’t stop now

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: if you can’t beat them join them

Craig: _*raises glass*_

KennyMcDick: Cartman and Craig expected, but Tweek??? KYLE?????

KennyMcDick: I am w o u n d e d

TooMuchPressure: gah! I actually wanted to ask how Kyle was that’s all! Craig said that everyone texts in class

Fatboy: except Wendy

Kyle’s Bro: no she just studied until she sleeps god damn

Craig: I wish I had her dedication

KennyMcDick: I remember when I had some self pride in myself

KennyMcDick: * _stares into the distance*_

Kyle’s Bro: Wait you wanted to ask about Kyle?

TooMuchPressure: yeah he seemed kinda off

Kyle’s Bro: yeah

Fatboy: he almost fell asleep in the car this morning

KennyMcDick: I’m worried about him dude

Gingerbread: that’s nice and all, but I’m fine

Craig: yeah that’s easy enough to say on texts

Gingerbread: I’m fine

Gingerbread: honestly

KennyMcDick: why are you texting in class? You never do that

Gingerbread: I’m in the bathroom

KennyMcDick: oh

Kyle’s Bro: in the bathroom?

Gingerbread: I was taking a piss! Nothing else! Geez

Fatboy: Ok no need to get so feisty Kyle

Gingerbread: I’m surprised you know what feisty means

Fatboy: AY JEW IM NOT ILITERATE

Kyle’s Bro: Hmm

KennyMcDick: I think you went back on your point

Fatboy: no I didn’t I meant to do that

Craig: yeeaaaahh

KennyMcDick: riiiiighhhtt

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

KennyMcDick: now butters? The innocents are falling prey to us scoundrels

Kyle’s Bro: yeah we did so much shit when we were younger

Gingerbread: just last week we gathered up all the fish in the lake and released them into the ocean Stan

KennyMcDick: Ah yes, when we were young…

Fatboy: I kept one and ate if for my tea

Kyle’s Bro: CARTMAN NOOOO

Butter_my_nutters: that wasn’t very nice

KennyMcDick: why are you here butters

Butter_my_nutters: I just thought I’d tell you folks that you shouldn’t be texting when we have classes on

Butter_my_nutters: so I’m gonna go now and hope you listen to my words

<Butter_my_nutters left the chat>

Fatboy: I really hate butters

<TacoMASTER is online>

TacoMASTER: tell me about it

Kyle’s Bro: WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE TEXTING IN CLASS

TooMuchPressure: I’ve just been reading so I don’t count

Craig: too innocent still

Craig: but that’s a good thing ;)

Fatboy: gay

KennyMcDick: gay is great

Craig: dis the gay and I’ll come and kill you

KennyMcDick: this is a showdown I want to happen

Fatboy: I’d like to see you try

KennyMcDick: Aw man fight time

TacoMASTER: AWWWWWW MAAAAANNNNNN

<That_one_black_guy is online>

That_one_black_guy: I was summoned when I heard there was a fight

TooMuchPressure: fights make me nervous

Craig: you fought me

TooMuchPressure: yea fair point

KennyMcDick: @Gingerbread

Craig: why?

KennyMcDick: I’m kinda worried he hasn’t talked in a while

TooMuchPressure: back to class?

KennyMcDick: he would’ve left the chat

Kyle’s Bro: he’s got a point

Fatboy: there’s only so long you can piss for

Fatboy: @Gingerbread

Kyle’s Bro: Kyle?

~

Kyle heaved, clutching the toilet bowl with white knuckles. His stomach clenched painfully, and line of spittle dangled from his lips into the bowl. Panting, he leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes. His phone vibrated.

Trembling fingers scooped it off the bathroom floor and into his palm. The sudden brightness made his head pound and he groaned, squinting. With a small sigh, he scrolled through the messages with glassy eyes.

~

KennyMcDick: @Gingerbread answer please

Fatboy: don’t keep us waiting Jew

Gingerbread: I was washing my hands

Kyle’s Bro: for that long?

Gingerbread: you know what I’m like with these bathrooms dude. They carry so many germs it makes me want to hurl

KennyMcDick: can’t argue there

Fatboy: geez Jew everyone else left the chat it was getting so boring

TooMuchPressure: nope I’m still here

Fatboy: you don’t count

KennyMcDick: shut up fatbbbooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiii

Gingerbread: Tweek ignore Cartman he’s a whiny lil bitch

Gingerbread: on that note I’m going back to class

Gingerbread: don’t miss too much in lessons

<Gingerbread has left the chat>

TooMuchPressure: bye guys

<TooMuchPressure has left the chat>

Fatboy: we need to talk

Kyle’s Bro: agreed

KennyMcDick: agreed

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

<Fatboy has left the chat>

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

~

Group chat _Kyle’s babysitters_

<KennyMcDick is online>

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

<Fatboy is online>

<KennyMcDick changed the chat name to _We Need To Talk About Kyle_ >

Kyle’s Bro: Cartman did you see Kyle eat anything this morning when you picked him up

Fatboy: no why

Kyle’s Bro: well he said he only just got up

KennyMcDick: so you think he hasn’t eaten anything?

Fatboy: ain’t he diabetic?

Kyle’s Bro: yeah

KennyMcDick: and if he is ill…

Kyle’s Bro: Kyle needs that energy from breakfast.

Kyle’s Bro: he needs to eat

Fatboy: shit

KennyMcDick: even Tweek noticed he looked off

Fatboy: double shit

Kyle’s Bro: we need to corner him at lunch

Fatboy: stupid Jew won’t take a day off for some reason

Kyle’s Bro: Kyle’s like that

KennyMcDick: he doesn’t like a big fuss

Fatboy: lil fucking Jew shitfaced asshat

KennyMcDick: so what class is he in now?

Kyle’s Bro: I dunno actually

Kyle’s Bro: but it’s lunch next to we’ll just wait for him

Fatboy: I’ll tackle him whist you pin him to a chair

KennyMcDick: good idea Cartman

Kyle’s Bro: Kenny can I ask you something?

KennyMcDick: shoot?

Kyle’s Bro: do you have a crush on Kyle?

Fatboy: HA GAY

KennyMcDick: WTF where did this come from I thought we were talking about Kyle’s health????

Kyle’s Bro: I know bad timing

Kyle’s Bro: I just thought that

KennyMcDick: I think he’s quite

KennyMcDick: quite cute

KennyMcDick: he’s nice

KennyMcDick: and I love being around him

Fatboy: this is kinda weird hearing this

Kyle’s Bro: so it was true

KennyMcDick: how did you know?!

Kyle’s Bro: guessed

KennyMcDick: r i g h t

Kyle’s Bro: shit Wendy’s just texted me shit

Fatboy: what?

KennyMcDick: what did she say

Kyle’s Bro: I asked her about Kyle because she’s in his class and she says he hasn’t even turned up

Fatboy: shit

KennyMcDick: we need to find him something’s bad about this

Kyle’s Bro: she said that she hasn’t seen him for the entire hour

Fatboy: so he was lying when he said he went to the bathroom?!!

KennyMcDick: Jesus fucking Christ

Kyle’s Bro: he wouldn’t miss class for anything

Kyle’s Bro: something’s really wrong

Kyle’s Bro: I’m phoning him

<Kyle’s Bro left the chat>

KennyMcDick: come one Kyle

Fatboy: why is he such an idiot

Fatboy: fucking Jews

Fatboy: hurry up stan!

KennyMcDick: Please be a misunderstanding…

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: he’s not picking up

Kyle’s Bro: he’s not fucking picking up!!!

KennyMcDick: try again

KennyMcDick: or I will.

Kyle’s Bro: Wait he’s phoning me

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

Fatboy: thank Christ

~

“Kyle where are you? I’m so worried!”

_“Shit Stan…”_

“What is it?”

_“I don’t feel that great…could you come and find me? Please? I really don’t feel too good.”_

“Where are you?”

_“In the bathroom…top floor by the computer lab…”_

“Ok. Just hold on Kyle and stay on the line, yeah?”

_“Mmm.”_

“Is this why you were late today?”

_“I didn’t feel too bad then…I just thought I didn’t get enough sleep but now I feel like shit…”_

“Have you thrown up?”

“ _A few times…”_

“I’m almost there – do you want anyone else here, or just me?”

_“*coughing* Kenny maybe?”_

“Ok.”

_“Stan?”_

“Yeah?”

_“I really don’t like getting sick…each time I do it always turns serious…I don’t wanna go back to the hospital…”_

“You won’t Kyle I promise.”

~

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: he’s sick and wants to go home

Fatboy: knew it stupid Jew

Kyle’s Bro: Kenny he wants you here too

KennyMcDick: he does? Where are you guys?

Kyle’s Bro: top floor toilet, by the computers

KennyMcDick: on my way

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

Kyle’s Bro: Cartman could you go and tell the office what’s going on?

Fatboy: yeah

Fatboy: I’ll give us a lift to his house if you like seeing as I’m the only one that can drive

Kyle’s Bro: that’s great thanks

Kyle’s Bro: shit Kyle’s parents are away

Fatboy: fuck! Ike?

Kyle’s Bro: Kyle’s looking after him. I’ll go and collect him from elementary when it’s time

Fatboy: fuck Kyle’s parents

Kyle’s Bro: yep

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

<Fatboy has left the chat>

~

Kenny look the steps two at a time, almost tripping over his own feet. His bag drummed against his thigh as he ran, but the pain of it didn’t register to him.

His foot caught on the last stair, and he fell onto his knees, cursing loudly. Kenny pulled himself up and dashed down the hall, heart thudding rhythmically under his dirty orange parka. His trainers squeaked as he turned the corner, slowly opening the bathroom door.

A toilet cubicle was open halfway, revealing a very worried Stan staring at someone, soothing them. Kenny knocked on the door to gain attention, wincing as he heard the sound of reaching.

“Hey.” Stan looked at Kenny briefly and shuffled over, and Kenny hissed through his teeth as Kyle came into view.

The red-head looked entirely different from that morning, most notably the giant bags that hung under his eyes, and his pale, clammy skin. The teen was trembling, panting hard as he leaned onto Stan.

Kenny knelt down in the bow quite full cubicle, brushing back Kyle’s hair with his hand. Kyle opened his eyes, once bright green now glassy and clouded.

“Hey.” Kenny murmured. His crush gave a brief smile before gagging, bending his head over the bowl.

“He hasn’t eaten anything yet.” Stan whispered to Kenny, his face creased with worry. Kenny gave a short nod, realising why exactly Kyle had gone downhill so quickly.

“Let’s get him home.” Kenny said. Stan nodded, murmuring something to Kyle.

“Come on. Let’s go.” Kenny smiled at Kyle reassuringly as he slowly got up. He swayed and Kenny caught him before he could hit the floor.

“Thanks.” His crush looked half asleep, eyes closing for a few moments too long.

“No biggie.” Kenny replied, rubbing Kyle’s back.

~

Group chat _Fuck Cartman_

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

<Fatboy is online>

Kyle’s Bro: @everyone Kyle’s feeling ill so we are taking him home

Fatboy: can he walk or do I have to carry his ass into the car

Kyle’s Bro: he’s walking right now, but Kenny’s basically carrying him

Fatboy: that bad?

Kyle’s Bro: yeah

<That_one_black_guy is online>

<Craig is online>

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

<TacoMASTER is online>

<TooMuchPressure is online>

Craig: damn

Butter_my_nutters: tell him I wish him a get well

That_one_black_guy: I’ll bring back Kenny’s books, he kinda left some behind when he ran out of the classroom

Kyle’s Bro: thanks

TooMuchPressure: do you want me to help and go to the store or something?

Kyle’s Bro: yeah that would be good. Maybe some aspirin?

Craig: and lucozade

Kyle’s Bro: yeah thanks guys

<Fatboy has left the chat>

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

TacoMASTER: I’m gonna make a get well card

Butter_my_nutters: I don’t mind being the get well card again

That_one_black_guy: I’m leaving at lunch to give these books back anyone coming?

TacoMASTER: sure I’ll always bunk with you

Craig: I’ve already done a bunk

<Craig has left the chat>

TooMuchPressure: I don’t wanna miss class I’m already doing bad sorry

Butter_my_nutters: same

That_one_black_guy: that’s fine, don’t worry

<TacoMASTER has left the chat>

<That_one_black_guy has left the chat>

<TooMuchPressure has left the chat>

Butter_my_nutters: get well soon Kyle

<Butter_my_nutters has left the chat>


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More things happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More actual writing in this one, I just couldn’t see another way to show those things  
> Still a lot of text though :)

Chat >>> _Stay Away Heteros_

_<_ Ass_Swiper is online>

Ass_Swiper: hey guys, Kyle’s now at home, we won’t be at school for the rest of the day. Just thought I’d let you know.

<The_UwU is online>

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

<Coffee_is_gay is online>

<SpacemanBOUNCE is online>

<TacoMASTER is online>

The_UwU: oh my gosh is he okay?

Ass_Swiper: he’s got worse, but not too much

Ass_Swiper: he’s sleeping now

SpacemanBOUNCE: damn being sick is a bitch

TacoMASTER: agreed

Butter_my_nutters: double agreed

Coffee_is_gay: I’m coming with Craig with the medicine

Ass_Swiper: good because we can’t find any

Butter_my_nutters: do y’think it’s that bug goin around?

TacoMASTER: when I had it, it didn’t hit me as hard as Kyle (from what Kenny’s said)

SpacemanBOUNCE: yeah sickness is a bitch

<Ass_Swiper has left the chat>

Butter_my_nutters: where’d he go

The_UwU: maybe Kyle woke up

TacoMASTER: or he just wanted to do something apart from talking to gays

SpacemanBOUNCE: he is a fellow gay tho

TacoMASTER: true true

Butter_my_nutters: that’s what the chat is here for folks

TacoMASTER: true true

The_UwU: hey where’s token? He’s usually always with Clyde

TacoMASTER: he’s giving Kenny his stuff

The_UwU: Ah. He’s that bad???

SpacemanBOUNCE: judging by all the meds my bf has gone and brought for him, yeah.

The_UwU: gosh darn

TacoMASTER: true true

~

Chat >>> _We Need To Talk About Kyle_

<KennyMcDick is online>

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

<Fatboy is online>

Kyle’s Bro: ok I’m coming back with Ike, he’s upset but trying not to show it

Kyle’s Bro: hows it goin over with you guys?

KennyMcDick: he threw up again, Cartman is just grabbing the shit that Craig and Tweek brought.

Kyle’s Bro: how bad?

KennyMcDick: bad, dude

Kyle’s Bro: shit

KennyMcDick: he’s just kinda in my arms right now tbh

KennyMcDick: he’s mumbling something but I can’t tell what

Fatboy: I’m coming in a sec I just gotta find a place to dump some of these bottles Craig threw at me

Fatboy: fucking hate Craig

Fatboy: fucking hate Kyle

<Fatboy left the chat>

KennyMcDick: he’s coming up here

Kyle’s Bro: I thought he ran out the house for a sec

KennyMcDick: shit gotta go

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

Kyle’s Bro: Kenny?

Kyle’s Bro: plz be alright Kyle

~

Kenny felt Kyle’s forehead, dropping the phone down beside him. In response, Kyle mumbled something else, twisting in Kenny’s lap.

“Shhh.” Kenny hesitated, then planted a small kiss on his cheek. He heard a scoff from behind him and turned to find Cartman in the doorway.

“You’re gonna get sick too, smooching him like that.” Cartman raised his eyebrow. He threw some of the medicines on the floor. The clanking sounds made Kyle moan, burying his head into Kenny’s shoulder.

“Jesus.” Cartman muttered at the reaction, moving closer to the pair. He still kept his distance, too afraid of catching whatever Kyle had.

“Help me get him to bed.” Kenny asked. Cartman surprisingly didn’t argue, scooping up Kyle from Kenny. Kyle moaned before settling in Carman’s arms, opening his eyes a crack.

Both teens held their breath, watching as the ginger took in his surroundings. So far he hadn’t stayed awake for more than a few seconds at a time.

“C’rtm’n?” Kyle slurred. Cartman huffed, but Kenny noticed that he held onto the Jew a little tighter.

“What is it you stupid fucking Jew?” He asked. Kyle stared at him blankly, panting.

“C’n you give me your kidney? I don’t have a thousand…dollars…” Kyle mumbled. Kenny stride over to them, biting his lip.

“I gave you my kidney ages ago you faggot.” Cartman replied uneasily. Kyle didn’t seem to notice.

“One million dollars for a kidney…I don’t have that much…” He slurred. Kenny cursed.

“He’s delirious.” He told a confused Cartman. “He thinks he’s eight.”

“My kidney…” Cartman muttered, frowning. “That was ages ago.”

“Let’s get him to bed.” Kenny suggested. Cartman nodded, lowering Kyle onto the mattress. The Jew was still murmuring under his breath, seemingly reliving the moment when he was eight. Kenny hushed him again, pulling the overs over his trembling form.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Cartman said over Kyle’s heavy breathing. Kenny nodded, letting out a long sigh.

“Let’s see what medicine we’ve got.”

~

Kyle’s Bro: Kenny?

<Fatboy is online>

Fatboy: we put the fucking Jew to bed

Kyle’s Bro: how is he?

Fatboy: you want me to be honest here? Not too great

Fatboy: he’s kinda delirious

Fatboy: thinks he’s 8

Kyle’s Bro: shit man

Kyle’s Bro: temp?

Fatboy: hang on

Fatboy: 102.6

Kyle’s Bro: holy shit I’m almost back hang on

Kyle’s Bro: Ike wants to know

Kyle’s Bro: what do I tell him

Fatboy: tell him how it if Ikes no pussy no more

Fatboy: his pussy-ass brother always gets sick tho so he should be cool with it

Kyle’s Bro: he’s not talked to me until now all the way home

Fatboy: ok maybe not so ok

Kyle’s Bro: I’m gonna call ok? Ike really is scared tho he’s not trying to show it, and I think he would feel a little better if he hears what’s going on

Fatboy: don’t call me you little shit

Fatboy: I’m in charge of supervising Kyle and he’s sleeping

Kyle’s Bro: is this Cartman being considerate? To Kyle?

Fatboy: shut up Stan

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

~

“Hey Kenny.”

_“Oh hi Stan. How’s Ike?”_

“Worried understandably.”

_“*sigh* Yeah, I’m shit scared dude.”_

“How is he exactly? I talked to Cartman for a bit but…”

_“He hasn’t been able to keep anything down. He’s got a high fever and he’s shaking. No coughing though so I think it’s just a bug.”_

“Yeesh. Why Kyle?”

_“I know.”_

“Hey, Ike wants to talk to you is that okay? You’re not busy are you?”

_“Only checking the house for any more medication. I found Kyle’s pen but that’s about it.”_

“Oh ok. *background noises* oh Ikes gonna talk now.”

_“Hey Ike. What can I do for you my little man?”_

“How is Kyle?”

“ _He’s sick, man. Quite sick. I –“_

“That’s what Stan keeps saying, but I want to know whether he will be okay!”

“ _Ike –“_

“Mom told me about when Kyle lost his kidney, and how sick he was then? Is it like that? Is he going to be okay?!”

_“Ike it’s just a bug. He’ll be fine soon, just you wait.”_

“I know it’s just a bug but anyone else would be fine by now! Kyle always gets more sick and I – I care for him, y’know? *sigh* Don’t tell him I told you this, but he’s a great big brother, ok? Even when I am a little shit to him back.”

_“Ike…”_

“I just don’t want him to go to the hospital again. He hates it.”

_“I know. He spent a long time there when we were kids. Look Ike – nothing bad will happen to him. We are all taking care of him, and I swear to god I’d let myself die before Kyle’s ass gets dragged back to hospital okay?”_

“You mean it?”

“ _Yeah.”_

“Okay…okay. Thanks Kenny.”

_“No problem little man.”_

~

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: hows Kyle now?

Fatboy: dead to the world

~

Chat >>> _Fuck Cartman_

<That_one_black_guy is online>

<KennyMcDick is online>

<TacoMASTER is online>

<TacoMASTER changed the chat name to _Constant Suspense > _

That_one_black_guy: Kenny I got your books where should I put them

KennyMcDick: Err on the side thx

TacoMASTER: I’m coming to see Kyle later if that’s cool.

KennyMcDick: yeah yeah

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

That_one_black_guy: is there anything you need? I can buy it for ya

KennyMcDick: nah it’s ok Tweek and Craig gave some medicine. They’re here now, just hanging around. Cartman’s supervising Kyle

TacoMASTER: Cartman?!

TacoMASTER: he’s a prick

KennyMcDick: true but even he wouldn’t beat up a sick Jew

KennyMcDick: he’s actually almost acting like a civilised person

TacoMASTER: WHAT?!

That_one_black_dude: he’s all grown up…

KennyMcDick: gtg bye

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

Butter_my_nutters: Cartman is kinda an asshole

TacoMASTER: well observed

That_one_black_guy: ( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More things happen and a party is planned

_Chat_ >>> We Need To Talk About Kyle

<Fatboy is online>

<KennyMcDick is online>

Fatboy: Jesus

KennyMcDick: I don’t think I can actually handle that again

Fatboy: fucking shit Kyle

Fatboy: I fucking hate him so much

KennyMcDick: I just hope he gets better now. How long has it been?

Fatboy: bout three days

KennyMcDick: fuck

KennyMcDick: this was supposed to be quick bug

Fatboy: fucking Jew wanting to take the top spot

Fatboy: but seriously dude I don’t think I can fucking hold him down like that again

Fatboy: it’s fine when we’re fighting but when he doesn’t even know me

KennyMcDick: yeah I hear you Cartman

KennyMcDick: I’m shit scared

Fatboy: I’m not scared for Kyle! It’s just it was a waste of my time!

KennyMcDick: why are you calling him Kyle then

Fatboy: shut the fuck up kenny

KennyMcDick: Cartman get up here quick

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

Fatboy: fuckin shit

Fatboy: Jesus

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: Wait what the fuck happened whilst I’ve been gone!!!

Kyle’s Bro: fuck guys I was gone for 30 mins to get some painkiller

Kyle’s Bro: please tell me guys

Kyle’s Bro: shit

Fatboy: it’s okay Kyle’s just waking up

Kyle’s Bro: no why did you have to hold him down

Kyle’s Bro: tell me Cartman!

Fatboy: Kyle just woke up bout just after u left

Fatboy: he didn’t know who we were, he just freaked out

Kyle’s Bro: holy shit

Kyle’s Bro: fucking held down?!

Fatboy: he didn’t know us and panicked

Kyle’s Bro: what now? Is he alright? We need to lower that fever

Fatboy: Kinny did the best he could but he’s waking up now so we gonna see

Kyle’s Bro: I’m at the door

Kyle’s Bro: coming

Fatboy: good coz you are the only one that can get rid of Ike

Fatboy: he won’t leave when me or Kenny ask him the lil shit

Kyle’s Bro: he’s not three

Kyle’s Bro: he’s just trying to help

Fatboy: sometimes I fucking hate you Stan

Kyle’s Bro: the feeling is returned

Fatboy: well he’s awake

Kyle’s Bro: how is he?!

Fatboy: I dunno I’m no doctor

Kyle’s Bro: fuck you cartman

Fatboy: he’s not attacking us he kinda just looks out of it like he’s woke up too early

Kyle’s Bro: coming

~

Kenny watched, biting his lip, as Kyle began to look around the room, his green orbs focusing on himself. Cartman was tense, as if he was ready to pin Kyle down. Stan was next to Kenny, holding Ike’s arm.

“Kyle?” Kenny called his name to try and get some response. Kyle blinked, his eyes becoming clearer.

“Kenny?” Kyle craned his head, spotting the others. “Guys? What are you…oh.” Realisation dawned on Kyle’s face, his mouth open comically. “How bad?”

Yes, Kyle still looked like death, yes he still was pale and clammy, yes he still looked tired enough to fall right back asleep – but Kenny’s face burst into a grin and he walked closer to Kyle.

“Pretty bad Jew.” Cartman grunted, relaxing from just current stance. Kenny jammed the thermometer into Kyle’s mouth whilst he was distracted. Kyle yelped, raising an eyebrow at Kenny.

“It was sooo boring without you.” Ike’s grin was larger than Kenny’s, but it quickly slipped into mock-annoyance when he was talking to Kyle. “Stan’s great an’ all but not that good fun for an almost-teen.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, a small smile flickering weakly on his face. Kenny read the temperature, sighing in relief.

“99.” Kenny read out.

“Thank god.” Stan collapsed on Kyle’s squashy chair, leaning his head back. Ike gave a small whoop and Cartman muttered “about fucking time.”

Kyle just looked at them all, tilting his head.

“I was really that bad?” He asked quietly. He tried to sit up but was pinned down by Cartman.

“You know how much fucking time we spent here Kyle? A lot, okay? A lot! And I’m not gonna let my time be wasted by answering “I was really that bad”.” Cartman shouted. Kyle stuck his tongue out at Cartman childishly.

“Nice to see you fatass.”

“Fuck you Kyle.”

“Okay split it up ladies.” Kenny interrupted just as a Kyle was about to argue. Ike laughed. “Cartman you’re close to being punched right now.”

Cartman flipped him off as Kyle laughed. Kenny felt his face growing hot and quickly looked away.

Thankfully, Stan distracted Kyle before he noticed the odd behaviour.

“Dude you were pretty much out for three days.” He answered Kyle’s question. Kyle cursed, looking over at his brother.

“Sorry Ike. I know I promised not to be sick for more than a day.” Kenny, not seeing this brotherly side to Kyle before, watched as Ike’s gaze softened.

“It’s okay. It was before a week and that was the point where you said I could lock you and Cartman in a cupboard.”

Kyle laughed, and Kenny found himself and Stan joining in too as Cartman cursed angrily.

~

Group chat >>> Stay Away Heteros

<That_one_black_dude is online>

<TacoMASTER is online>

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

TacoMASTER: so like, a giga taco

That_one_black_guy: what

TacoMASTER: a giga taco

TacoMASTER: for me to live in

Butter_my_nutters: yeah but it’ll be all sticky

TacoMASTER: g i g a

TacoMASTER: I’ll wear a suit

TacoMASTER: then I can nibble a bit off each day

That_one_black_guy: sometimes I don’t know why I love you

TacoMASTER: w o u n d e d

TacoMASTER: for my giga dick maybe ;)

That_one_black_guy: mmm dat giga dick

That_one_black_guy: yeah but you are also pretty nice on the side too

Butter_my_nutters: Aw

TacoMASTER: AWWWWWWW MAN YOU GETTING ME MUSHY

That_one_black_guy: that’s what I do for my taco boy

<Coffee_is_gay is online>

Coffee_is_gay: is this turning into a “I love you” chat? Cos I love Craig and I’m super gay

<SpacemanBOUNCE is online>

TacoMASTER: damn Craig was summoned by the gay

That_one_black_guy: I’m gay too

Butter_my_nutters: yeah same

SpacemanBOUNCE: I heard gay and I just gotta say I’m super gay for my little bean

Butter_my_nutters: Aw this is such a sweet talk

TacoMASTER: we are all gay but me I’m bi sorry

SpacemanBOUNCE: thot

That_one_black_guy: you dare call my taco boy a thot?

<That_one_black_guy changed SpacemanBOUNCE username>

<That_one_black guy took away Thot’s admin commands>

Thot: what hey you lil fuck

Coffee_is_gay: Aw you’re my thot

Butter_my_nutters: this is getting too sweet I might explode

<Coffee_is_gay changed Thot’s username>

Tweek’s Thot: Aw

TacoMASTER: IM TOO TOUCHED

Butter_my_nutters: AWWWWWWWWGGBJFDKBXSJJD

Tweek’s Thot: butters broke lol

Butter_my_nutters: Fhsgjbaeqyomfdjdshhsfjhukbd

TacoMASTER: I’m sorry but

<TacoMASTER changed Coffee_is_gay’s username

TacoMASTER: Tweek I gave you a new true name

GayAdvice: oh?

GayAdvice: Aw

TacoMASTER: I’m sorry but Tweek gives all of us gay advice even tho he doesn’t need to

That_one_black_guy: true he made me ask you out actually

TacoMASTER: thanks Tweek

GayAdvice: Aw guys…

Tweek’s Thot: I love him so much

Butter_my_nutters: press F for respect

GayAdvice: thanks guys this is really sweet

<TacoMASTER changed GayAdvice’s username>

MotherOfUsGays: awwwwwwwwwww

That_one_black_guy: that fits better

<Ass_Swiper is online>

Ass_Swiper: KYLES GONNA BE FINE GUYS IM SO HAPPY

Tweek’s Thot: told you he would be fine

That_one_black_guy: yaaaassssss

TacoMASTER: WHOOP WHOOP

Butter_my_nutters: how is he now?

Ass_Swiper: still tired but his fever broke IM SO HAPPY

MotherOfUsGays: thank god I was so nervous

<The_UwU is online>

The_UwU: I smell a celebratory party

<TacoMASTER changed The_UwU’s username>

Partying_Lesbian: Everyone there will be a party at Tokens house in a week

Ass_Swiper: nice

That_one_black_guy: why me

TacoMASTER: you rich

Butter_my_nutters: can’t be too late sorry

Partying_Lesbian: it’s fine we can still have a bop in the day

TacoMASTER: daylight boppers

Tweek’s Thot: * _bops frantically*_

TacoMASTER: can we have dates?

Partying_Lesbian: Dates galore

TacoMASTER: dearest Token, would you like to go to a party with me?

That_one_black_guy: dude

That_one_black_guy: it’s at my house

That_one_black_guy: me and Clyde bagseed my room

Tweek’s Thot: me and Tweek bagseed the basement

MotherOfUsGays: you didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go

Tweek’s Thot: well do you

MotherOfUsGays: obviously but I would’ve preferred the guest bedroom it’s more romantic

Tweek’s Thot: guest bedroom it is

That_one_black_guy: as long it ain’t my parent’s room everyone is good

Ass_Swiper: Tweek pm me I need advice

MotherOfUsGays: right ok

<MotherOfUsGays has left the chat>

<Ass_Swiper has left the chat>

TacoMASTER: there goes our mother

Tweek’s Thot: I’m so proud of him

~

Private Message Tweek T >>> Mysterion

Tweek T: so I think I know what this is about. Let it out

Mysterion: I really like him Tweek

Mysterion: I never gave up on him for a second but I stayed silent cos I didn’t want to ruin what we already had between us, and the thing that we already shared

Mysterion: shit man

Tweek T: keep going it’s fine

Mysterion: it’s just I want to take him to the party not as a friend but as something more. I want him to never let go of my and I thought he was going to today. You should’ve seen him Tweek. I know that he doesn’t have to like me if I ask him but if I do and he says no I know things won’t be the same. It’s this huge, fucked up game of chance that I’ve been trapped in and if I want to get out I could risk everything. Shit Tweek I’m so fucked up right now

Tweek T: Kenny sometimes you have to try. If Kyle already has this close connection with you it won’t be broken with some small words

Mysterion: but what if it does? What if he doesn’t want to see me?

Tweek T: I’ll be with you either way Kenny, but this is your choice. No one will know what will happen but sometimes you gotta take the chance.

Tweek T: either way you won’t be trapped in that loop. I would take the chance. Let things happen afterward

Mysterion: okay.

Mysterion: ok


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More things happen

_Private Message_ Mysterion >>> Kyle B

Mysterion: I know I shouldn’t be bothering you…

Kyle B: no it’s fine I was awake anyway

Mysterion: well you should be asleep

Mysterion: you’re sick

Kyle B: no not anymore stupid

Mysterion: you were coughing like hell a few hours ago

Mysterion: BUT I’m not complaining too much

Mysterion: I’m just bored

Kyle B: well that’s usually how these things start

Mysterion: did you hear that Bebe is having a party for you?

Kyle B: yeah Stan told me today

Kyle B: it sounds like it will be fun unless Cartman gets drunk again

Mysterion: please stop reminding me you are giving me flashbacks

Kyle B: I still have PTSD from it

Mysterion: * _shudders_ *

Kyle B: agreed

Mysterion: I’m gonna bring some weed

Kyle B: Kenny no

Mysterion: it’s from my dad it’s fine

Mysterion: he just won’t know I’ve taken it

Kyle B: god Kenny

Mysterion: yes I am god thank you

Kyle B: I can feel my brain cells melting

Mysterion: mine already left

Kyle B: you are a bad influence

Mysterion: the best ;)

Kyle B: can’t argue with that

Mysterion: I’ll treasure that compliment forever

Mysterion: seriously dude, you should go to bed

Kyle B: it’s my choice

Mysterion: it’s like 3am

Kyle B: well you’re awake too so…

Mysterion: my mom and dad are still awake

Kyle B: oh

Kyle B: you okay?

Mysterion: yeah, they’re just arguing

Kyle B: how’s Karen?

Mysterion: at a sleepover

Kyle B: you can come over to mine if you like

Mysterion: no it’s fine

Kyle B: Kenny that wasn’t a choice

Kyle B: and my mom’s still away so you can come through the door tonight instead of the window

Mysterion: wow a door

Mysterion: Wait I thought your mom was coming back after Stan called saying you were sick

Kyle B: she and my dad changed their mind

Mysterion: WHAT

Kyle B: Kenny I’m cool with it

Mysterion: I’m not Kyle they should at least pretend to care for you

Kyle B: I’m not cool with the way your parents treat you either you know

Kyle B: I don’t like the way you have to sneak most nights to my house because the heater is broken, or your parents are arguing or your dad is drunk. But I can’t do anything

Kyle B: and my parents do care

Kyle B: I think

Mysterion: troubled souls must stick together, eh?

Kyle B: I’ll raise a glass to that

Mysterion: heads up I’m climbing up to your window

Kyle B: KENNY NO

~

Kenny smiled as the window opened and an angry red-head cake into view.

“Kenny…” Kyle groaned but a small smile twitched on his face that made Kenny’s heart flutter. He almost forgot that he was hanging off a drainpipe, and his fingers slipped.

Kyle grabbed his hand before he could fall, hauling him inside with surprising strength. Kenny, once safely inside, grinned. At least he didn’t have to die tonight.

“This is exactly why I said use a door.” Kyle rolled his eyes as Kenny’s grin grew. Kyle had his hat off (a rare occurrence) revealing curly strands of red hair. Kenny often wished he would take his hat off more – he imagined himself running his fingers through the hair, twisting it fondly.

He resisted the urge, instead shutting the window as cold wind blasted through the gap. He heard Kyle gasp in shock, a few coughs escaping his mouth. On closer inspection, his crush still looked pale, and his legs were trembling. Much better than before, but it still made his stomach flip.

“This is exactly why I said stay in bed.” Kenny retorted, gently herding Kyle back into his bed.

“I’m fine Kenny…” Kyle muttered, but didn’t protest. He huddled into his covers, shuffling to the side.

“You’re cold too.” Kyle parted the empty space beside him. “It’s warmer in here.”

Kenny blushed, looking down at the floor. He _was_ cold, but didn’t want to intrude. He shrugged off his coat, shaking his head.

“No, I’m good –“ Kyle interrupted him before he could finish.

“Nope. I’m not letting you sleep on the floor again.” His crush patted the mattress again, smiling. Kenny grinned, pulling off his shoes and obeying Kyle.

He sunk into the covers, pulling them over his shoulders. Kyle’s scent enveloped him – it was peppermint, it always was – and he let out a blissful sigh.

“Thanks dude.” Already his feet were warming up. His heart hammered in his chest as Kyle’s hair tickled his cheek as he shifted into a more comfortable position.

“It’s my pleasure.” Kyle suddenly blushed, stammering. “I mean…it’s cool.” Kenny chuckled, but inside his mind was in knots. He wanted to hook his arms around Kyle, hold him close, but he forced himself to stay still. He thought about what Tweek said, taking a shaky breath.

“Kyle?” Kenny asked quietly into the peaceful silence that surrounded them. Kyle hummed in response, his green eyes staring up at him. “Err…well, you know about Bebe and her party…” he stammered. He cursed internally, knowing that he never acted this nervous in front of anyone. Something about Kyle had changed that.

“Yeah.” Kyle nodded. Kenny noticed a faint pink glow on his cheeks, and was tempted to run his thumb down it. Again, he stopped himself.

“Well, do you want to go with me?” Kenny asked, looking away from Kyle. Kyle said nothing, and Kenny explained. “Not as friends…as a date?” Kenny blushed deeply, clutching the sheets.

“I know what you meant.” Kyle replied quietly. Kenny looked up at Kyle, his brown eyes clashing with his bright green. He braved himself, physically squaring his shoulders for the rejection.

“I would.” Kenny blinked. Kyle was staring at him, his eyes shining with affection and love that he hadn’t seen before. He got lost in them, hardly daring to believe the words that crossed his lips. Kyle’s lips, that were smooth and so kissable it made him want to scream.

“I _like_ like you.” Kyle smiled up at him, dimple on one cheek. Kenny returned the smile, almost giddy with love. He said yes, and he _liked_ him. “So I would like to go with you, more than friends.”

“Thank god.” Kenny murmured. They were moving closer, drawn to another. “I thought you were gonna say no…and then…” his voice died. He didn’t stop his thumb as it ran down Kyle’s cheek. Closing his eyes, he kissed Kyle on his lips – his smooth lips that tasted sweet, sweeter than he imagined. He felt Kyle freeze, then return it, his body pressing closer to Kenny’s.

They broke apart only when they needed air. Kenny smiled, letting his arms hook around Kyle. Kyle’s cheek rested on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around Kenny’s waist.

“Thank you.” Kyle murmured.

“For what?”

“For liking me back.”

~

_Private Message_ Mysterion >> Tweek T

Mysterion: I did it

Mysterion: HE SAID YES

Tweek T: you did? Omg Kenny I told you it would be fine!

Tweek T: when did you do this???

Mysterion: ahhh I’m so happy

Mysterion: I told him a few hours ago

Tweek T: oh?

Mysterion: yeah I came round his again

Mysterion: I told myself “you gotta do this kenny” and I did

Mysterion: thank you so much Tweek you got me to do it thanks so much

Tweek T: Aw it’s nothing

Tweek T: is it ok that I tell the others? For a heads up

Mysterion: yeah it’s fine I’m SO HAPPY AHHHH

Mysterion: I’m gonna protect him

Tweek T: you already do J

~

_Private Message_ Kyle B >>> Stan

Kyle B: Stan

Kyle B: Stan

Kyle B: s t a n

Stan: it’s like 7 am what is it

Kyle B: Kenny asked me out

Kyle B: he _likes_ me Stan

Stan: YES

Stan: YES KYLE IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

Stan: you have been pining over him for AGES

Kyle B: it paid off

Kyle B: we’re gonna go to Bebe’s party as a couple

Stan: awwwwwwwww

Kyle B: shut up

Stan: awwwwwwwwwwwwww

Stan: dude, you deserve this

Kyle B: don’t go all mushy on me marsh

Stan: just stating the facts Broflovski

Kyle B: I’m gonna fight anyone who says a single shitty comment about him

Stan: you already do J

~

Group Chat >>> _Fuck Cartman_

<TooMuchPressure is online>

TooMuchPressure: Ok I have t e a

<Craig is online>

Craig: oh this is nice tea

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

<TacoMASTER is online>

<That_one_black_guy is online>

<Fatboy is online>

TacoMASTER: TEA

That_one_black_guy: T E A

Butter_my_nutters: what’s the big news fellas?

TooMuchPressure: a new couple has been formed

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

TacoMASTER: ehhhghghhggg?????

That_one_black_guy: a new couple? Like two of our squad have got together?!

Kyle’s Bro: yup

TooMuchPressure: yeah

Craig: yes

TacoMASTER: awwwwwww man

Butter_my_nutters: well who is it? I want to give them a good old congrats!

Fatboy: Wait….

Fatboy: they actually stop being pussies and got together Stan?

Kyle’s Bro: yeah they did

Fatboy: thank god I was getting pissed off at their whining over each other

TacoMASTER: America EXPLAIN

That_one_black_guy: WHO ARE THEY

Butter_my_nutters: so I’m not the only one that is lost

Kyle’s Bro: Kenny and Kyle

TacoMASTER: I KNEW IT YAAAASSS QUEEEEEN

That_one_black_guy: my god

Butter_my_nutters: Aw that’s nice they are gonna be a strong couple together ain’t they?

That_one_black_guy: ahhhh that is so darn sweet that they got together

Craig: that brings the gay couple count to three

TooMuchPressure: gay overload

That_one_black_guy: when did this happen??? I didn’t know until now bro

TacoMASTER: IM GONNA GIVE THEM ONE OF MY RAINBOW FLAGS

Butter_my_nutters: yeah Clyde’s got a drawer full of them

Kyle’s Bro: it happened at like three in the morning

Fatboy: ha gay shit

Craig: why were they up at three?

Craig: never mind I was up at three too with Tweek ;)

TacoMASTER: o o p

Craig: yup he’s pretty horny in the early hours of the morning

TooMuchPressure: Craig I’m blushing

Craig: I like it when you blush ;)

Fatboy: ay no flirting on here we don’t need to know about your sex life

That_one_black_guy: though…

That_one_black_guy: not a bad idea…

TacoMASTER: I’m willing to try tonight

Fatboy: go do this on your gay chat

Butter_my_nutters: well most of us are gay here so it’s a friendly zone

Craig: come on Cartman don’t tell me you ain’t questioning

Fatboy: Craig I fucking hate you

Kyle’s Bro: O O F

<KennyMcDick is online>

KennyMcDick: I’m in love

Craig: here comes the power couple

Fatboy: you finally asked him huh

KennyMcDick: yeah and I’m so in love

Kyle’s Bro: wow I haven’t ever seen you act this cliché

KennyMcDick: he’s sleeping on my chest and his head is on my neck and ahhhh

Fatboy: you didn’t shag a sick dude did you?

KennyMcDick: no Cartman you dick I was just cold

Fatboy: alright keep your wig on I had to check

Kyle’s Bro: I’m glad it worked out for you guys

Butter_my_nutters: yeah

KennyMcDick: thanks

KennyMcDick: I’m in love

Craig: you’ve said

TacoMASTER: ok Token come round to mine every couple is hanging out with each other

Fatboy: Stan isn’t

Kyle’s Bro: I’m chilling with Wendy

That_one_black_guy: can do I’m already half way there ;)

TooMuchPressure: all these winky faces

Craig: ;)

Butter_my_nutters: ;)

TacoMASTER: ;)

Kyle’s Bro: ;)

That_one_black_guy: ;)

TooMuchPressure: all I see are winky FACES

<TacoMASTER has left the chat>

<That_one_black_guy has left the chat>

KennyMcDick: oop

Craig: someone’s getting frisky

TooMuchPressure: it’s only 10 am guys

TooMuchPressure: I’m getting some coffee

Fatboy: ugh I gotta go this is getting too gay

<Fatboy has left the chat>

Kyle’s Bro: no I bet he only just remembered about the homework

Craig: darrrrn

KennyMcDick: awwwww he just murmured something

Kyle’s Bro: one time he started shouting in his sleep

Kyle’s Bro: I’m fairly sure it was at dream Cartman

Craig: HAHA

TooMuchPressure: accurate

KennyMcDick: to be fair, if Cartman was in my dreams I’d shout too

KennyMcDick: anywho gotta get back to staring at Kyle

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

Butter_my_nutters: he’s in love alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my head cannon is that Clyde has loads of LGBTQ flags around the house. Whenever someone questions it he says:  
> “For emergencies”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time

_Group Chat >>> Constant Suspense_

<TacoMASTER is online>

<That_one_black_guy is online>

<TacoMASTER changed the chat name to _PARTY POPPIN’ PIMPS >_

TacoMASTER: ITS PARTY TIME YALL

<Craig is online>

<TooMuchPressure is online>

That_one_black_guy: folks it is 3 minutes till the party starts get your condoms ready

Craig: I prefer to swallow thanks

TacoMASTER: we have a swallower ladies and gentlemen

<That_one_black_guy changed Craig’s username>

THE Swallower: Bitch remember we booked the guest bedroom

TooMuchPressure: Craig!!!

THE Swallower: come on babe we have to book twice now that Kenny and Kyle are in each other’s asses

TooMuchPressure: they’ve only been together for a few days Craig

THE Swallower: Kenny, Weed, Kyle and Party are a force to be reckoned with

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

Butter_my_nutters: I told my dad that I’m having a sleepover so I’m coming over now J

TacoMASTER: yeaaaaahhh butters

TooMuchPressure: you got out!

Butter_my_nutters: yeah I’m looking forward to this party it’s my first one…

TacoMASTER: Aw butters

TooMuchPressure: dude you gonna make me cry

THE Swallower: don’t cry babe or I’ll cry

That_one_black_guy: Wait Craig cries

TacoMASTER: he has a soul???? Ehhhhh

THE Swallower: Fuck you

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

<Fatboy is online>

<KennyMcDick is online>

<Gingerbread is online>

Gingerbread: for the love of god someone change my name

THE Swallower: no

Fatboy: this party is gonna kick ass

Kyle’s Bro: I got drinks

KennyMcDick: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD

TacoMASTER: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD

Gingerbread: so weed is off the checklist

Gingerbread: and drinks

Butter_my_nutters: I brought twister

Fatboy: Twister? Butters…seriously?

KennyMcDick: no twister is good it could be fun ;)

Kyle’s Bro: drunk twister, my fav

Butter_my_nutters: it was a good idea then?

KennyMcDick: Bitch yes

Gingerbread: I’m pretty flexible actually

KennyMcDick: are you now…I like the sound of that

TooMuchPressure: damn

THE Swallower: we booked the guest bedroom

That_one_black_guy: I get dibs on bathroom and my bedroom

That_one_black_guy: and parents room is off limits

Fatboy: ew gay

THE Swallower: it’s only gonna get gayer fat boy

That_one_black_guy: AAAAAND THE PARTY HAS STARTED BROS

TacoMASTER: I’m coming for that dick Token

<That_one_black_guy has left the chat>

<TacoMASTER has left the chat>

Butter_my_nutters: oh boy what do I do first?!

<THE Swallower has left the chat>

<TooMuchPressure has left the chat>

<Gingerbread: what do you want to try first butters?

Fatboy: wow you weren’t kidding about that were you you lil pussy?

Fatboy: I’m gonna get some drinks for us

Fatboy: apart from you Kyle, fuck you

Gingerbread: fuck you fatass

Butter_my_nutters: I kinda wanna try a drink, but nothing too strong…

Kyle’s Bro: you could mix some with coke maybe

Gingerbread: butters I’m here with Kenny and Stan come over

KennyMcDick: LETS GET YOU SOME DRRIIINNNKK

~

KennyMcDick: I got le weed

<TacoMASTER is online>

TacoMASTER: le weed?

KennyMcDick: le weed

TacoMASTER: weed me up boy

~

Fatboy: god you can here Craig and Tweek jerking each other off

That_one_black_guy: as long as they clean up I’m cool with it

Gingerbread: Craig is a swallower after all

That_one_black_guy: and what are you Kyle? ;)

KennyMcDick: let’s find out shall we?

Fatboy: fuck that’s gay

~

TacoMASTER: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

That_one_black_guy: yummy scrum my weed

Kyle’s Bro: guys your weed antics are scaring the girls

That_one_black_guy: good job we the gay boiiis

~

THE Swallower: yo where do you keep the snacks Token

That_one_black_guy: most of them have been demolished by Cartman

Fatboy: they were shagin fr the last h ourr

THE Swallower: and you are drunk

TacoMASTER: and I’m high

KennyMcDick: and I’m gay

Gingerbread: and I’m ginger

TooMuchPressure: and I’m coffee

Butter_my_nutters: and I’m happy!!!

That_one_black_guy: and I’m black

TacoMASTER: And I’m high

Kyle’s Bro: and I’m Stan

That_one_black_guy: I’m Token!

TacoMASTER: I’m Clyde!

KennyMcDick: I’m Kyle

KennyMcDick: shit I forgot my role

Gingerbread: you had one job

Kyle’s Bro: we might have to execute Kenny

KennyMcDick: kinky

~

TacoMASTER: TOKEN KENNY HAS TAKEN THE BATHROOM THOUGH WE CALLED DIBS FIGSTJCDHJYYEUKVDDJB

That_one_black_guy: WHAT

Kyle’s Bro: oooooooohhhhhh man

Fatboy: those gay bitches got you good hehe

TacoMASTER: OH YOU LIL TWINK KENNY IM GONNA SMASH YOUR FACE

TacoMASTER: AND KYLE WHY WHY WHY I THOUGHT YOU HAD RESPECT

<KennyMcDick is online>

KennyMcDick: actually I’m a TWUNK. A twink and a hunk bitch

Fatboy: OH THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING

Kyle’s Bro: ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaahhhhh

That_one_black_guy: Kenny you get outta there or I’ll ban you for the rest of your gay life

KennyMcDick: can’t keep Kyle waiting ;) ;) ;) gotta go

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

TacoMASTER: hjshbxhkfdujsdthgdgj

Kyle’s Bro: get that image of Kenny and Kyle fucking out of my head pls

Fatboy: yeah it’s just wrong I hang out with those guys

THE Swallower: damn those sneaky bastards I was hoping me and Tweek could have a quickie in there

That_one_black_guy: dude

That_one_black_guy: I called dibs

Butter_my_nutters: I need to pee

~

That_one_black_guy: ok once I’ve done screwing clyde I’m gonna put a ban on sex

~

Kyle’s Bro: ok I’m drunmk enouugh toplay drybk twister whos in????,

TooMuchPressure: that’s a lot of pressure! What’s the forfeit for the losers?

Kyle’s Bro: I dunno drunk stan didntt thunnk that far

Gingerbread: winner has to do full drag for a week

KennyMcDick: that’s fine by me I already have a few skirts

Gingerbread: …slut drag

That_one_black_guy: you take that back Kyle

Gingerbread: bunny ears, bad makeup, fake tan

TacoMASTER: high high heals, tiny shorts in the cold

Gingerbread: oh and Kenny? Cartman gets to decide outfit choice (unless Cartman loses)

KennyMcDick: KYLE NO YOU CANT REMEMBER LAST TIME

Fatboy: oh I do…I still got pictures Kenny

Kyle’s Bro: bring it on

THE Swallower: I kinda wanna see Tweek like that

TooMuchPressure: nope! Nope nope nope!

Fatboy: lets get the twister out

~

Cartman grunted as he stretched out his arm, threading under Kyle. Kyle himself was in a crab position, and Kenny was drooling at the sight of his top riding up, revealing his sweaty muscles from their experience in the bathroom earlier. He almost didn’t hear Tweek’s call.

“Kenny! Right foot on yellow!” They had let Tweek call out the positions as he was too shakey to play the actual game. Tweek was enjoying his role, teasing Craig by brushing his lips against his but not quite kissing them.

Kenny stared at the yellow circle, biting his lip and raising his brow. It was in between Kyle’s groin. He moved his foot over, freezing as the tangled mass of limbs gave a wobble, and rubbed his leg against his crotch. Kyle jerked, glaring daggers at him with heat rising to his face.

“Kenny no –“ Kyle tried your jerk out of the way but wobbled dangerously.

“I do want to see you all dressed up…” Kenny grinned. Kyle narrowed his eyes as his hand slipped.

“I hate you.”

He fell, squashing Butters and Stan underneath. The fall created a ripple, and everyone tumbled down, yelling and cursing.

“And the loser is Kyle!” Tweek shouted out, throwing the board into the air. Kyle cursed loudly, untangling himself.

“Oh I’m gonna have fun with this.” Cartman chuckled evilly, rubbing his hands.

~

KennyMcDick: pls send pics

KennyMcDick: pls

KennyMcDick: send me

Kyle’s Bro: gotcha

Kyle’s Bro: [image of Kyle with folded arms, glaring at the camera. He is wearing a green tutu with bells at the bottom, and long black tights. He has a small crop top on saying “fresh meat” and over the top makeup plastered on his face]

TacoMASTER: remind me never to get on Cartman’s bad side

KennyMcDick: I like Kyle’s ass in this

Gingerbread: how long to I have too keep this on for

Kyle’s Bro: until we sayy so

Gingerbread: fuck

TacoMASTER: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDD


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karaoke

Group Chat >>> _Stay Away Hetero’s_

<TacoMASTER is online>

TacoMASTER: TTTTTAAAAAaaaakkkke OOOOOOOoooooonnnnn MMMmmmeeeeeee

TacoMASTER: TAKE ON ME

TacoMASTER: ok I’m bored

TacoMASTER: come on someone has to be awake

<The_UwU is online>

The_UwU: we are all suffering from hangovers or sore vaginas

<Ass_Swiper is online>

Ass_Swiper: or assholes

The_UwU: Kenny you’re a bottom? Wtf

Ass_Swiper: I get a taste of both worlds so I’m really sore

TacoMASTER: holy shit we are going to have to censor this soon

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

Butter_my_nutters: I’m gay!

TacoMASTER: IM GAY TOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOoooooo

<Tweek’s Thot is online>

Ass_Swiper: ShUt ThE fRoNt DoOr I aM gAy ToO

The_UwU: you guys are actually going to be the death of me

TacoMASTER: hey

TacoMASTER: hey

TacoMASTER: isn’t it funny that all our * _lovers_ * aren’t here?

TacoMASTER: hehe

Tweek’s Thot: my baby is worn out

Ass_Swiper: I was bored of trying to get Kyle to wake up so here I am.

Ass_Swiper: where are Token’s snacks I might as well get some free food to take home

TacoMASTER: Fatboy ate them

TacoMASTER: HE INHALED THE TACOOOOSSSS AND IM MAAAAD

TacoMASTER: crunchy munchy tacos

Butter_my_nutters: tacos sure are good but Bennigans is better

TacoMASTER: HOW DARE YOU

Ass_Swiper I’ll eat anything

Butter_my_nutters: Bennigans is a nice place to eat lots of your favourite snacks, not just tacos which can only go so far!

Tweek’s Thot: but like Taco Bell is cooler

Ass_Swiper: I’ve not been to either

<AssArsonist is online>

Butter_my_nutters: never?!

TacoMASTER: eeeeeehhhhhhhhhh

AssArsonist: Kenny I’m going to take you to both so get your sweet ass over here

Tweek’s Thot: unleash THE KYLE

Butter_my_nutters: he’s triggered all right

Ass_Swiper: Kyle you don’t have too I was just making conversation

AssArsonist: fuck you you’re coming with me right now

AssArsonist: my date

Ass_Swiper: Kyle I have no words

Ass_Swiper: thanks a bunch

Ass_Swiper: I’m excited

AssArsonist: everyone should experience a meal at Bennigans

TacoMASTER: AND TACO BELL

The_UwU: omg Kenny and Kyle are rivalling the cute couple title

Tweek’s Thot: hey back off you two that title is mine and Tweek’s alone

<MotherOfUsGays is online>

MotherOfUsGays: yeah BACK OFF

TacoMASTER: what title do me and Token get hmmm?

The_UwU: “welp that happened” couple of the year

TacoMASTER: welp

Ass_Swiper: found Kyle

Ass_Swiper: he was stuck under Cartman who had passed out on him

AssArsonist: I can’t feel my legs

TacoMASTER: gosh darn your sexy legs Kyle

Ass_Swiper: ARE YOU HITTING ON MY BF CLYDE

TacoMASTER: nope just staring a fact sir

Tweek’s Thot: f u c k

Tweek’s Thot: you playin a dangerous game clyde

Ass_Swiper: keep your tongue to yourself

TacoMASTER: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

AssArsonist: should’ve seen that coming

The_UwU: fhffindgjbfdjjhsdkb

Tweek’s Thot: fuck you clyde you just wiped out half my brain cells

Tweek’s Thot: I needed those fucking brain cells for school

MotherOfUsGays: don’t worry I’ll sneak under your desk and tell you the answers

Tweek’s Thot: damn I want you under my desk all the time

Tweek’s Thot: imagine the fun we could have babe ;)

TacoMASTER: We are going to have to make this NFSW in a second if you guys don’t stop

Ass_Swiper: D I C K S

<TacoMASTER changed the group chat name to Low Key Erotica (but not really)>

The_UwU: yeah that will tell them

Butter_my_nutters: now the world is safe!

Tweek’s Thot: I cant tell whether you are being sarcastic

MotherOfUsGays: hey lets have a karaoke

Butter_my_nutters: can I pick a song?!

MotherOfUsGays: yup

Butter_my_nutters: Lu Lu Lu, I've got some apples…

Ass_Swiper: LU LU LU!!!

Tweek’s Thot: * _bops frantically*_

AssArsonist: * _does the worm_ *

The_UwU: sorry? What?

TacoMASTER: YOU’VE GOT SOME TOO

AssArsonist: * _breaks it down_ *

The_UwU: What the fuck

MotherOfUsGays: LU LU LU

Tweek’s Thot: if you never heard butters sing this as a kid then you can fuck off

AssArsonist: * _dances more ferociously_ *

TacoMASTER: someone stop Kyle he’s gonna dance himself into oblivion!

AssArsonist: * _dancing increases x10_ *

Ass_Swiper: KYLE NO

Butter_my_nutters: lets make some apple sauce…

Ass_Swiper: DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM! KYLE WHERE ARE YOU?

AssArsonist: * _twirls_ *

TacoMASTER: dear god not the twirl

The_UwU: What is actually going on?

Tweek’s Thot: he’s past saving now

AssArsonist: * _twirling intensifies*_

Ass_Swiper: I’m coming Kyle!

AssArsonist: _*dances*_

MotherOfUsGays: _*kenny leaps in…*_

TacoMASTER: _*and tries to slap Kyle’s booty to stop him…*_

Tweek’s Thot: but alas! He is the ass swiper!

MotherOfUsGays: * _Kenny Swipes*_

AssArsonist: MY ASS NO

Tweek’s Thot: well he stopped dancing

Ass_Swiper: I’ve saved you Kyle

TacoMASTER: HAHAHAHA NOW HIS ASS JOINS MINE

<TacoMASTER changed AssArsonist’s username>

KENNY_TOOK_MY_ASS: well just great

MotherOfUsGays: well we must mourn with another karaoke

TacoMASTER: TTTTTTttttaaaaaaaaakkkeeeeeeee OOOOOOOOoooooooooonnnnnnn MEEEEEeeeeeeee

Ass_Swiper: TAKE ON ME

KENNY_TOOK_MY_ASS: TAAAAAAAAaaaaakkkeeeee MMMMMMMMmmmmeeeeee OOOOOOOOOOooooooooonnnn

Ass_Swiper: TAKE ON ME

Butter_my_nutters: IIIIIIIIIiiiiiiilllllllll BBBBBBBbbbbbeeeeeeee GGGGGGGGGgggggggooooonnnne

Tweek’s Thot: IN A DAY OR TTTTTTTWWWWWWOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOoooo

Butter_my_nutters: ok but does anyone remember phineas and ferb?

KENNY_TOOK_MY_ASS: no

Ass_Swiper: yes

<That_one_black_guy is online>

That_one_black_guy: yes

Tweek’s Thot: yeah isn’t that that dumb show about two criminals-to-be building shit and tormenting their sister

Ass_Swiper: I used to watch it with Karen all the time

MotherOfUsGays: I got too nervous to watch

The_UwU: why?

Butter_my_nutters: dooby dooby doo Bah, dooby dooby doo bah, dooby dooby doo bah, dooby dooby doo bah

Ass_Swiper: HES A SEMI AQUATIC EGG LAYIN MAMMAL OF ACTION

KENNY_TOOK_MY_ASS: wtf

That_one_black_guy: He's a furry little flatfoot

Who'll never flinch from a fray-ee-ay-ee-ay!

TacoMASTER: He’s got more that just mad skill, he’s got a beaver’s tail and a bill

Butter_my_nutters: and the women swoon when they hear him saaaayyy…

Ass_Swiper: * _platypus noise_ *

Tweek’s Thot: * _bad platypus noise*_

TacoMASTER: _*god awful platypus noise*_

That_one_black_guy: _*gurgles water*_

Ass_Swiper: It’s Perry, Perry the platypus!!!

KENNY_TOOK_MY_ASS: what the hell

Butter_my_nutters: Perry, (but you can call him) agent p!

<TacoMASTER changed KENNY_TOOK_MY_ASS’s username>

UneducatedSwine: What the hell are you singing?

UneducatedSwine: very nature clyde

That_one_black_guy: of course a day walker wouldn’t know about Phineas and Ferb

UneducatedSwine: now that is just discrimination

Tweek’s Thot: kill the unholy one

UneducatedSwine: not again I’m going to Bennigans with Kenny

Ass_Swiper: BENNIGANS

<UneducatedSwine has left the chat>

Ass_Swiper: see you my dudes

<Ass_Swiper has left the chat>

MotherOfUsGays: see ya

~

Private Chat Kyle B >>> Stan

Stan: you’re gonna take Kenny to freaking Bennigans as a date? A day after a party???

Kyle B: shut up

Stan: I’m gonna go drink some more alcohol so I can’t judge

Kyle B: fuck you

Stan: Fucking Bennigans…


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couple time

_Private Chat_ Tweek T >>> Craig

Craig: lemme guess you were grounded too

Tweek T: I think everyone who attended that party was

Craig: well, I wish I had the hindsight like Kenny

Craig: he’s avoiding his house like the plague

Tweek T: I think we all wish to be Kenny at some point in our lives

Craig: true true

Craig: but it was Tweek I fell in love with all those years ago ;)

Tweek T: so corny, but I’m still blushing over here.

Craig: two points for Craig

Tweek T: it’s boring and lonely here without you

Craig: I’m so used to being by you I can’t actually do anything by myself. Isn’t that stupid?

Tweek T: not entirely

Craig: and you live so far away

Tweek T: don’t be like that

Tweek T: there are still things that stay the same

Craig: but you’re not here and I’m stuck in the house for two weeks

Tweek T: well, the stars are still here. We can still stargaze like we used to do when we were younger

Craig: when I invited you over for that first sleep over?

Tweek T: that very one

Tweek T: you see the star by the moon?

Craig: yes

Tweek T: that was always my favourite. I never knew why as a kid, but now I think it’s because that even though the moon is much brighter and bigger, it’s still beautiful in its own way. It’s not shadowed by the moon, but shines just as hard

Craig: I remember you always pointed out that star

Craig: that’s a deep reason why

Tweek T: I know…as a kid I just thought it was nice

Craig: I always liked that group of stars together.

Craig: you see them? They look like a spot

Tweek T: yes I see them

Craig: not for a deep reason I’m afraid. I just thought they didn’t look perfect and more like a stain. It’s pretty cool. Like a mistake that couldn’t be erased.

Tweek T: I think that’s a pretty deep reason

Tweek T: we sure aren’t kids anymore are we? Pointing out stars just because they are pretty…everything needs a meaning

Craig: Tweek are you okay?

Tweek T: I wish we were kids again, doing things just because we wanted to, doing stupid adventures because we had nothing else to do. I wish we had no meaning for our actions beyond good or bad…or no complex thoughts over why we liked stars the best. It was simpler then. I liked how simple it was, even if I was really twitchy and tense.

Craig: Tweek…

Craig: how about we go to starks pond tomorrow?

Tweek T: why?

Craig: we can go for a reason, or for none if you like. Just because we have nothing else to do. We can break out of our houses because we don’t have the hindsight to do anything else.

Tweek T: Craig…

Tweek T: I would love to

~

Tweek smiled softly, staring out at the dark sky from his window. The stars glittered like small gems, just as they had always done.

The blonde wrapped himself in his thin bedsheet, eyes shining as his phone screen lit up in his hand. The text was from Craig, because who else would it be?

_Craig: how does this time tomorrow sound?_

Tweek’s smile grew larger, his heart calming under his ribs. Maybe the world was changing fast for him, but there would be some things that were a constant in his life. They would anchor him to the ground, keep him from getting caught in the twisting motion of the world.

And Craig was one of them.

 _That would be perfect_ Tweek typed slowly, holding the phone to his chest.

It was more than perfect, but perfect would have to do.

~

_Private Chat_ Clyde >>> Token

Clyde: dude I’m bored

Clyde: lets get a taco

Token: you always want a taco

Token: aren’t you grounded?

Clyde: you aren’t

Token: that’s cos my parents are out

Clyde: dear boyfriend get me a taco from Taco Bell before I starve

Token: it’s always tacos

Clyde: what else would I suggest

Clyde: actually I’m coming over to yours

Token: CLYDE NO

Clyde: clyde yes

Token: aw man

Clyde: come on you know you love me ;)

Token: how could I not…

Clyde: you got me blushing

Token: gosh darn now you gotta come round so I can see that cute face

Clyde: and I want a taco

Token: of course

Clyde: I feel like this conversation is going in a loop

Token: that’s because you keep talking about tacos stupid

Clyde: tacos…mmmm

Token: clyde I actually don’t know why I love you

Clyde: we were dubbed the couple “welp that just happened”

Token: that sums it up

Clyde: tho I love you

Token: love you too taco man

Clyde: hehe

Token: do you want spicy taco or your usual?

Token: come on, choose

Clyde: lets…spice it up shall we…

Token: clyde

Token: no

Token: what the fuck

Token: take that pun back or I’m getting you a salad

Clyde: worth it…

Clyde: you won’t torture me like that

Clyde: token?

Clyde: token pls I’m sorry gimme the taco

Clyde: token?!

~

Clyde slipped through Token’s front door, putting the keys back in his pocket. He bit his lip, furiously typing.

“I want a taco…” Clyde whispered. He entered the living room, shaking his head at the mess littered around the floor. Stan’s coat, Kyle’s hat, Bebe’s shoe and Butter’s twister game had been left behind. Sighing, he kicked the objects in a small pile, vowing to return them the next school day.

The door opened again and Token strolled in, a Taco Bell bag in his hand. He wasn’t surprised to see Clyde lazing on the sofa.

“I’m sorry for the pun!” Clyde burst out, running towards his boyfriend. Token only smirked.

“Really?” He teased. Clyde nodded.

“Yes!” Clyde cried out. Token laughed loudly, making Clyde’s heart flutter.

“Hmm…you will have to pay…” Token gave him a sly look. “A kiss, maybe?”

Clyde pretended to think.

“If it must be done.” He shook his head head, making an act of being sad. Token laughed again, making him smile.

Clyde stood on his tiptoes (Token was now much taller than him, making him almost unable to reach his face) and pecked him on the lips. Token grinned, hooking an arm around his wrist.

“I still got you a salad.” He told him.

“You bastard!”

“Jesus I’m joking! Don’t throw Bebe’s shoe at me!”

~

Private Chat Mysterion >>> Kyle B

Mysterion: Kyle

Mysterion: Kyle pls pick up

Mysterion: Kyle please come on

Mysterion: Kyle

Kyle B: what is it?

Mysterion: I need to come to yours now with Karen please

Kyle B: yeah you can

Kyle B: Kenny wtf is going on

Kyle B: Kenny?

Mysterion: I just need to get out of here with Karen now

Kyle B: Kenny please tell me what’s going on

Mysterion: my dads drunk please unlock the door

Kyle B: shit Ken

Kyle B: are you hurt? Is Karen hurt?

Kyle B: Kenny answer me

Kyle B: Kenny please

Kyle B: answer me

Mysterion: it’s nothing too bad. Karen’s fine

Kyle B: I can see you up the street…are you limping?

Mysterion: it’s nothing

~

Kenny stumbled through the door with his sister in hand, shutting the door quickly after him. Both were notably dirty and ruffled, only in their pyjamas.

Kyle ran over to them, first crouching to Karen; the girl looked on the verge of tears, constantly looking at her brother. It was a stark difference to the Karen he saw a few days ago, teasing him about his relationship with Kenny.

“Hey, Ike’s upstairs if you want to go to him.” He said softly to her. Karen and Ike knee each other fairly well, so he wasn’t surprised when she nodded. Letting go of Kenny’s hand, she gave Kyle a quick hug.

“Look after my big brother.” She muttered. Kyle smiled.

“I will.”

Kenny was smiling at him when he turned around, leaning against the table. Kyle bit his lip, looking down at his leg.

“It’s nothing.” Kenny followed his gaze. “It’s just sprained.”

“How?” Kyle nudged him over to a chair. Kenny pulled off his parka.

“I got pushed down the stairs.” He muttered, head bent.

“That’s not nothing Kenny.”

“Nothing for my dad.” Kenny spat. He relaxed when Kyle placed a hand on his shoulder. He blinked quickly, and Kyle held him tighter.

“It’s still not okay. It doesn’t have to be okay because he’s your dad.” Kyle whispered. Kenny leaned into his touch, shaking.

“He almost got Karen.” Kenny’s voice was quiet, and Kyle had to strain to hear it. “Without my mom there to control him…”

Kyle hugged Kenny gently. From his shaking shoulders, it was clear that Kenny had finally broken down, crying into Kyle’s shirt. Kyle hushed him, patting his back.

“I’m sorry…” Kenny muttered. Kyle smiled reassuringly.

“Dude, I don’t know how you keep it all in.” Kyle heard the door open again, but ignored it, knowing who it would be. “You can stay at mine for as long as you need.”

“Or mine.” Stan said from the doorway, Cartman at his side. Kenny didn’t look surprised to see them there. Kyle always called them whenever anyone was upset. They were unstoppable together, each other’s rock.

“I guess my house has some space too…” Cartman replied, humming. “Seeing as you live in a tiny house anyway, it shouldn’t be much of a problem…”

“Fuck off Cartman. Kenny said, but he was smiling.

“God, do you have any snacks that aren’t Jew?” Cartman was already in his fridge, pulling out some kosher and throwing it on the floor.

“Get the fuck out of my fridge Cartman!” Kyle stood up, throwing a spoon at the larger teen.

“Ay!” Cartman yelled. “Come and fight me then bitch!”

“Guys!” Stan interrupted. Kenny laughed, relaxing fully in their presence.

“I happen to have a few movies in my bag.” Stan continued. “For no reason whatsoever…we could watch one?”

“Sounds better than arguing with this fag.” Cartman was already making his way to the sofa, taking up half the space.

“Sounds good. Midnight movies, my favourite.” Kenny smiled, taking Kyle’s hand. “Come on.”

Kyle squashed himself on the sofa, pressing close to Kenny. Stan was leaning against his legs, jabbing the remote.

“Thanks for this guys.” Kenny said as the movie started. None of the friends said anything, but all smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

Private Chat Craig >>> Tweek T 

Craig: wanna go out?  
Tweek T: you had to ask that question?  
Craig: consent, Tweek. God  
Tweek T: well I heard the cinema is showing some good movies   
Craig: tomorrow it is babe  
Tweek T: night Craig   
Tweek T: see you tomorrow 

~

Group Chat PARTY POPPIN PIMPS

<Fatboy is online>  
Fatboy: someone change the god damn username!  
<That_one_black_dude is online>  
<TacoMASTER is online>  
<Gingerbread is online>  
<Kyle’s Bro is online>  
<KennyMcDick is online>  
TacoMASTER: NO  
That_one_black_guy: fuck off  
KennyMcDick: suck my fat dick   
Gingerbread: I refuse to acknowledge that request  
Kyle’s Bro: wow  
Kyle’s Bro: I mean it’s a good name but you all just flew right off the handle there  
Fatboy: yeah you bullied me  
Gingerbread: fuck you Cartman   
KennyMcDick: BULLSHIT CARTMAN  
TacoMASTER: HAHAHAHAHA  
TacoMASTER: how do you guys deal with him???  
Gingerbread: I don’t   
Kyle’s Bro: he totally beat Cartman up yesterday  
That_one_black_guy: WHAT  
<Butter_my_nutters is online>  
Butter_my_nutters: good for you Kyle  
Fatboy: he did not!  
TacoMASTER: what happened I need the details pronto   
Gingerbread: he was a lil bitch that’s what  
Kyle’s Bro: he wanted to start a business where we were professional robbers and like did it for other people   
Kyle’s Bro: and he wanted Kyle to be the only one robbing because he said that’s what greedy Jews did  
KennyMcDick: you can imagine how that went  
Gingerbread: fuck Cartman  
Fatboy: fuck you Jew   
Butter_my_nutters: wait isn’t it class time again? Oh hamburgers I’m late!  
<Butter_my_nutters left the chat>  
Gingerbread: I have a free period   
KennyMcDick: Aw I haven’t   
Kyle’s Bro: yeah Wendy has a free too  
Kyle’s Bro: all the smarties do  
Fatboy: yeah I have a free  
Gingerbread: no you don’t   
That_one_black_guy: no way jackass   
TacoMASTER: you’re in my class   
TacoMASTER: bunking off isn’t the same as having a free stupid   
Fatboy: yes it is   
Fatb: I’m right   
FaTb: What the fuck is going on with my username?!  
TacoMASTER: HAHAHA   
FBtA: What the fuck??????  
Kyle’s Bro: I think I know what’s going on  
Fat: this isn’t funny!  
fAt: What the fuck   
TacoMASTER: this is the best moment of my life  
TacoMSTa: I’m crying  
TacMOs: wait NOOOOO  
KennyMcDick: HAHAHAHA  
Kyle’s Bro: yeah I know what’s happening  
fAtata: WHAT IS HAPPENING  
That_one_black_gUy: suspicious Kyle isn’t talking is it, hmm?  
Kyle’s Bro: yeah I wonder why   
KennDick: wait Kyle’s doing this  
f̶̡̰̩́̅͋̈́͘ȃ̶̼̱͎̔́͑̽̉̒̕ţ̴̞̪͇͆̌a̷̡̜̒t̷̛̪̼͕̦́̈̊̐ͅa̷̰̣̬̘͎̥͗̃͒̌̇̇̚: ok this isn’t even a username anymore JEW STOP  
That_bl@@cK: how is he doing this?   
tHa_bLcKA_Ug: I think he’s just really bored   
tAacOm: ha  
tAacOm: taacom   
KenDICKY: he’s lost it  
kD##~iCk: my name tho   
tAa_$: I like fatata   
<f@tata left the chat>  
~~𝓓𝓲𝓬𝓴##*: what about stan?  
TAa_$$$: your name dude   
ȶǟօʍ: yeah I used to be taco master now look   
##~< 𝓓𝓲𝓬𝓴#**¡: well you are now taom   
Kyle’s Bro: I’m Kyle’s Bro  
Kyle’s Bro: I’m safe   
##~**< 𝓓𝓲𝓬𝓴%**: I’m his bf   
Kyle’s Bro: yeah but I’m his bro   
<Gingerbread has R҉a҉n҉ ҉a҉w҉a҉y҉>  
TAa_$$$: omg what has he done   
ȶǟօʍ: don’t leave us   
<G88€¥••##*|~ is online>  
##~**< 𝓓𝓲𝓬𝓴%**: what the fuck is that  
Kyle’s Bro: his hack is fucking everything up  
<G88€¥••##*|~ has R҉a҉n҉ ҉a҉w҉a҉y҉>  
Kyle’s Bro: my phone is lagging so much  
ȶǟօʍ: HELP ME  
ȶǟօʍ: I DON’T WANT TO BE TAOM FOREVER   
##~**< 𝓓𝓲𝓬𝓴%**: where’s Craig and Tweek?  
<Butter_my_nutters is online>   
Butter_my_nutters: dating   
Butter_my_nutters: what in hamburgers is going on here?!  
ȶǟօʍ: BUTTERS HELLLLPP MEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAAAAAA  
TAa_$$$: my beautiful name…  
Kyle’s Bro: I feel like we should always keep an eye on Kyle from now on   
Kyle’s Bro: rn he’s baby sitting Ike  
<gIin££\\_[error] is online>  
ȶǟօʍ: AHHHHHHHH WHO THE FUCK IS THAT   
Butter_my_NuuT: I’m scared now  
Butter_My-NuUT: what is going on?!  
Kyle’s Bro: Kyle   
Kyle’s Bro: I think   
Aa_$$$: dude I don’t want Kyle near my computers again  
ȶǟօʍ: Aa$$$  
##~**<$$ 𝓓𝓲𝓬𝓴%**$$$: Aa$$$  
Aa_$$$: your name just keeps getting longer wtf   
Butter_nUut: so Kyle’s hacking again?  
Kyle’s Bro: yeah but this time he’s somehow got into here  
Kyle’s Bro: he’ll get stopped soon so he’s making the most of it  
ꙅƚuᴎ ɿɘƚƚuᙠ: oh   
ȶǟօʍ: omg he destroyed your name too butters 

~

Group Chat PARTY POPPIN PIMPS

<KennyMcDick is online>  
<That_one_black_guy is online>  
<Kyle’s Bro is online>  
<Butter_my_nutters is online>  
<TacoMASTER is online>   
Kyle’s Bro: did your phone crash?  
KennyMcDick: yes  
<TacoMASTER changed That_one_black_guy’s username>  
Aa$$$: oh   
TacoMASTER: finest ass there is   
KennyMcDick: my ass is better   
TacoMASTER: no it’s not fuck off  
Kyle’s Bro: ladies stop   
KennyMcDick: MY ASS IS TWICE THE ASS TOKEN’S IS SHUT THE FUCK UP  
Butter_my_nutters: I’m sure you both have nice asses  
TacoMASTER: TOKENS ASS IS PERFECT   
Aa$$$: wow  
Kyle’s Bro: Jesus   
KennyMcDick: I HAVE THE BESTEST ASS FUCK OFF CLYDE  
<Craig is online>  
Craig: Tweek’s ass is better than all of yours   
Kyle’s Bro: this is the biggest debate I’ve ever seen  
KennyMcDick: no way  
TacoMASTER: fuck off craig   
Craig: no tweek’s ass is the best booty I’ve seen  
Aa$$$: is that why you feel the constant need to slap it  
Craig: yes   
Craig: yes it is   
Butter_my_nutters: how was the date?  
Craig: pretty sweet  
Craig: movie was a load of shit tho   
Kyle’s Bro: they always are in that cinema   
TacoMASTER: I’m sorry but stop avoiding the subject Craig   
TacoMASTER: tokens ass is much better than Kenny’s   
KennyMcDick: OH YOU WANT A FIGHT TOUGH GUY?!!  
TacoMASTER: BRING IT ON BITCH   
<Fatboy is online>   
Fatboy: QUEER FIGHT!  
Kyle’s Bro: whats actually cracking me up is that Clyde isn’t even talking about his own ass   
Butter_my_nutters: but he’ll fight Kenny for the right to call it best ass  
Craig: Tweek’s ass is best ass  
TacoMASTER: FUCK OFF CRAIG  
<Gingerbread is online>  
Gingerbread: Kenny no   
Gingerbread: no fighting   
KennyMcDick: sorry kyle it’s to protect my ass’s status   
Gingerbread: KENNY NO ITS NOT WORTH IT  
TacoMASTER: yes it is  
KennyMcDick: yes it is  
Kyle’s Bro: I’m gonna bring popcorn   
Aa$$$: I might as well come  
Gingerbread: aren’t you going to tell him to stop?  
Aa$$$: you can’t stop clyde   
Gingerbread: but Kenny will kick is ass  
Aa$$$: no he won’t   
Gingerbread: yes he will  
Kyle’s Bro: oh SHIT –   
Aa$$$: come on Clyde’s a better fighter than Kenny  
Gingerbread: you can say that with a straight face?  
Fatboy: OMG THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING  
Aa$$$: clyde is gonna win  
TacoMASTER: darn right   
Gingerbread: how? He’s smaller than Kenny, and can’t fight for shit  
KennyMcDick: that’s true  
TacoMASTER: no it’s not   
Kyle’s Bro: I’ve never seen clyde fight before   
Butter_my_nutters: I’ve only seen Kyle fight   
Craig: everyone has seen Kyle fight someone   
Craig: last week I saw him fight that asshole who lives down the street from me  
KennyMcDick: Kyle?!! You never told me about this!  
Kyle’s Bro: you fought that guy?  
Gingerbread: he tried to trip me up   
Fatboy: I hope you smashed his head in  
Fatboy: fucking hate that guy  
Craig: yeah I watched  
Craig: Kyle is one mean fighter  
Aa$$$: holt shit no one fight Kyle  
Fatboy: he’s the three J’s, of course he’s gonna be a lil bitch to fight   
Butter_my_nutters: the three J’s?   
Gingerbread: don’t you dare Cartman   
Fatboy: Ginger. Jew. Jersey  
TacoMASTER: HOLY SHIT KYLE YOURE FROM JERSEY??!!!!!!  
Aa$$$: why was I never told this  
Craig: it makes a lot of sense. Jersey and Ginger is a dangerous combo  
Gingerbread: shut the fuck up   
Butter_my_nutters: so if you are around other Jersey people you become one of them   
Fatboy: yeah he does fuck Kyle   
<Gingerbread has left the chat>  
KennyMcDick: anyway back to business   
TacoMASTER: of course of course  
TacoMASTER: TOKENS ASS IS BETTER BITCH!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyde angst

Group Chat >>> Stay Away Heteros 

<TacoMASTER is online>  
TacoMASTER: @everyone? Sorry, but I’m going to be leaving this chat now…so bye I guess  
<Tweek’s Thot is online>  
Tweek’s Thot: wait what   
<TacoMASTER left the chatroom>  
<Aa$$$ is online>  
<Butter_my_nutters is online>  
<Ass_Swiper is online>  
<UneducatedSwine is online>  
<The_UwU is online>  
<MotherOfUsGays is online>  
Ass_Swiper: what the fuck happened  
Aa$$$: I’m gonna ask him about this, he was perfectly happy yesterday…I got a bad feeling   
<That_one_black_guy has left the chat>  
UneducatedSwine: what’s up with him?  
Butter_my_nutters: I thought he liked being with us  
Tweek’s Thot: I think he still does   
MotherOfUsGays: maybe he is going through shit, we should just be there for him   
UneducatedSwine: can’t do that when he won’t talk to us  
Ass_Swiper: he seemed kinda off this morning   
Ass_Swiper: Like he wasn’t gushing about token   
The_UwU: something happened to Clyde which has made him felt like he should leave?  
Tweek’s Thot: maybe  
MotherOfUsGays: token will be able to talk sense into him  
Ass_Swiper: I hope so  
UneducatedSwine: well I’ve got to go to class now and you should too Kenny   
Ass_Swiper: what’s the point   
UneducatedSwine: I’ll give you a free kiss after it   
Ass_Swiper: I’m going  
<Ass_Swiper has left the chat>  
<UneducatedSwine has left the chat>   
Butter_my_nutters: bye guys!   
<Butter_my_nutters has left the chat>  
Tweek’s Thot: you know, I found a good place to bunk off   
MotherOfUsGays: Craig…  
Tweek’s Thot: I’ll give you a free kiss  
MotherOfUsGays: meet me round back  
<MotherOfUsGays has left the chat>  
Tweek’s Thot: kiss bribery always works  
The_UwU: I should try that   
Tweek’s Thot: it has the best results. 20/10 

~

<Aa$$$ is online>  
Tweek’s Thot: well? It’s been like two hours dude what did he tell you?  
Aa$$$: he said he didn’t want me around anymore  
MotherOfUsGays: Wait What   
UneducatedSwine: what?  
Aa$$$: he broke up with me   
MotherOfUsGays: I’m coming round token hold on just stay where you are   
<MotherOfUsGays has left the chat>  
Ass_Swiper: shit token I’m sorry to hear that  
Butter_my_nutters: aw token I’m coming to give you a hug  
Aa$$$: yeah…I could use that  
Aa$$$: he didn’t even look at me. Didn’t even do anything. Have I been blind this whole time? A burden to him? What did I do?  
UneducatedSwine: you didn’t do anything token   
UneducatedSwine: Clyde’s in the wrong  
Butter_my_nutters: yeah why would he dump someone like you? You’re amazing token!  
Aa$$$: no I’m not  
Aa$$$: he wouldn’t have dumped me. I was a burden to him  
Aa$$$: I gotta go  
<Aa$$$ has left the chat>  
Ass_Swiper: token wait   
Tweek’s Thot: That bastard   
Tweek’s Thot: where the fuck is Clyde?   
UneducatedSwine: no somethings not right here  
Ass_Swiper: yeah clyde was blushing over token yesterday something is wrong   
Tweek’s Thot: I’m going to beat him up  
Ass_Swiper: not if I get there first   
UneducatedSwine: I’m going to talk to him first. Somethings up  
Tweek’s Thot: can’t be bad enough to dump token the way he did 

~

“Hey Token? It’s me, Tweek.”   
“Oh…hey…”  
“I’m almost there.”  
“Thanks for this…I just need someone…I don’t understand…why?”  
“I don’t know, but I’m going to try and make you feel a little better, okay? I have hot coco and blankets.”  
“I don’t know why he dumped me…I just wasn’t good enough for him”  
“You were more than good enough token! Clyde just wasn’t seeing that!”  
“Thanks for trying to help…”  
“Token…”  
“He promised that we would break up in some stupid way, okay? And this is fucking stupid! What did I do? Why did he do this? And you want to hear the craziest part? I’m still in love with him so much it hurts Tweek!”  
“Shhh…I’m coming to dry those tears…just hang on okay? Don’t blame yourself for this, can you promise me that?”  
“...”  
“Token?”  
“Yeah…yeah ok...”  
“I’m almost there. I can see your house. Hold on, me and Butters are going to hug you hard enough to break your spine.”

~

Tweek’s Thot: I’m outside his house  
UneducatedSwine: hold on   
UneducatedSwine: we’re coming   
Ass_Swiper: fuck Clyde   
UneducatedSwine: guys you have to promise me we won’t get violent until we find out why he did this  
Tweek’s Thot: fine. What about after?  
UneducatedSwine: then we go crazy on him  
Ass_Swiper: right. I see you Craig  
UneducatedSwine: I’m behind you   
Ass_Swiper: checking out my ass?  
UneducatedSwine: fuck off  
Tweek’s Thot: you brought Stan?  
UneducatedSwine: Stan’s my man   
UneducatedSwine: my drama is his drama   
UneducatedSwine: and he has a nice right hook   
Tweek’s Thot: fine   
Tweek’s Thot: lets go   
<Tweek’s Thot has left the chat>  
<Ass_Swiper has left the chat>  
<UneducatedSwine has left the chat>

~

Kyle was in front, knocking stubbornly on Clyde’s door. He and his friends waited; Kenny with his hand in his own, Craig cracking his knuckles, and Stan glaring at the door as if it was the devil.   
“Just like that? Nothing?” Stan asked again through gritted teeth. Kyle was once again reminded why bringing Stan was a good idea; he was almost as mad as Kenny and Craig, disgusted at such and act.  
And Kyle?  
Kyle was holding up his anger as best as he could, trying to give Clyde a chance. It just seemed too sudden, out of character. But holding his anger (which was three times as bad as Craig’s when it was built up like this) was getting more difficult as time went on.  
To their surprise, Clyde opened the door. His eyes were red and puffy, but Kyle didn’t get time to study more of him before the door was shut in his face.  
“Clyde open up!” Kenny shouted, slamming his fists against the door.   
“Clyde! You can’t run!” All thoughts of being civil were out the window as he was caught up in Kenny’s anger. Stan was the voice of reason, pulling him and Kenny away.  
“Look, Kyle…and the rest of us want to talk. That’s all. We’re giving you a chance.” Stan told him, his voice hard and cold. Clyde didn’t answer.  
“Look, you can either open this door now and let us in normally, or we break your windows and come in that way. Your choice.” Craig shouted.   
“Hang on…” Clyde muffled voice said from the other side. There was a click, and the door opened. Clyde was already moving back to the sofa, his back turned to them.  
Stan’s hand was suddenly on his shoulder, reminding him to stay calm. He gave a short nod, moving to stand in front of Clyde.   
“You know what this is about, don’t you?” Kyle asked. He didn’t wait for an answer. “Why the fuck did you break up with Token like that?”  
Clyde’s head lowered at the mention of his ex’s name, his shoulders shaking slightly. Kyle frowned at his body language.   
“Things weren’t working out…that’s all.” Clyde answered quietly with a sigh. He didn’t meet their eyes, instead looking at the torn carpet.  
“You’re lying. Anyone can see that.” Craig moved forward, crossing his arms. “Now tell us the truth this time. Or else.” The raven haired cracked his knuckles again, scowling.  
“It’s just a phase. I’m not in love with Token…I’m just good friends with him.” Clyde’s words didn’t sound like his own. Kyle frowned and Kenny cursed under his breath. Clyde still didn’t look at them, but Kyle saw a tear drop to the floor. “Bisexual isn’t really a thing.” He whispered.   
“Clyde, we all know you love Token!” Kenny shouted, throwing his arms into the air.  
“I’m just good friends with him. That’s all.” Clyde repeated robotically. His tears told Kyle differently, dripping steadily onto the carpet floor.   
“Bullshit!” Kenny answered back. “You love Token!”  
Stan stepped forward, sitting next to Clyde and studying his face. Kyle watched.  
“Who told you this?” His friend asked, his voice dangerously low. Clyde shrugged.  
“No one.”   
“Bullshit.” Kenny repeated. Kyle thought back to anyone Clyde was close to, scanning over faces.   
“Your dad?” Kyle asked. He’d never really met Clyde’s dad, but Kenny had told him that he never acted normally around him, or anyone else that wasn’t straight for that matter.   
Clyde still didn’t answer, but his shoulders slumped, almost folding in on himself.   
“You believed that bastard?!” Craig spat.   
“He hates me.” Clyde whispered. Kyle felt his anger evaporate at the words. Kenny and Craig also froze.   
“My dad knows what he’s talking about…he said –“ Clyde broke off, sniffing. Kyle sat on the other side of Clyde, placing a hand on his shoulder.   
“I’m not right. I’m not right. I’m not right.” Clyde muttered.   
“How long has this been going on for?” Kyle asked gently. Clyde shook his head.  
“About a week.”  
“And you told no one?!” Kenny burst out. “Not even Token?!”  
“He’ll think it’s his fault.” Clyde raked a hand through his hair. “I thought that my dad was right. I wanted him to at least like me again – I thought that it was just a phase…I…”  
“Oh boy. This is more complicated than we thought.” Kenny muttered as Clyde started to cry quietly, his shoulders shaking.   
“Look, Clyde. My dad once told me something that I’ve stuck by for all my life.” Craig said. “He said that you can’t fight being gay, and if you try to resist you’ll make yourself miserable for your whole life.” Craig unfolded his arms, his expression less frightening. “You have to know that too.”  
“Clyde, you are going to have to choose between your dad and Token.” Kyle sighed, taking off his hat. “You are one of those unlucky ones that have to. But Token loves you for who you are, unlike your dad. Do you want to pretend, or be happy?”  
Clyde buried his face into his hands, crying louder.   
“Why do I have to choose?” He muttered almost inaudibly. “I love Token so much! He always is there…and now with him gone I can’t take it. But my dad –“  
“Can go suck a dick.” Kenny interrupted, scowling. Clyde looked up at Kenny for a second, a smile passing briefly on his face.   
“Y-yeah. I’ve been such a dick!” Clyde cried out. Craig nodded. “Why did I think – I love Token, I know I do but I just wanted…” the brunette sighed shakily. “Token comes first. F-fuck my dad.”   
“Well you better go apologise quickly and explain to him what the fuck was going on with you.” Stan suggested. Clyde jumped up, wiping his tears.  
“Token! I need to - I’ve been such an asshole! What the fuck – I need to go now!”   
“Clyde.” Craig held his shoulders to stop him moving. Clyde stared at him. “Clyde…I know how that feels. Your not a dick for wanting you patents to be proud of you.” Craig said. Clyde’s eyes widened.   
“But you are a dick for not explaining this to Token.” Kyle pointed out. “And to us. We could’ve helped.”   
“You did.” Clyde smiled, suddenly tackling Craig into a hug. Kyle watched as Craig rolled his eyes, but a small smile graced his features and he patted the smaller’s back.   
“Go get Token back you bastard.” The raven-haired ordered. Clyde gave a shaky laugh, running out of the door.   
“Let’s hope this works out.” Stan said into the silence.   
“I didn’t think it would be this bad.” Kyle hummed. Kenny snuck up on him, threading an arm around his shoulder.  
“I think we talked sense into him though. No bloody knuckles, just like you asked.” His boyfriend replied, giving a lazy smile that made Kyle’s heart flutter each time.   
“Now it all depends whether Token forgives him.” Craig pointed out. “I hope he does.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m baaack...it’s been over a month, sorry guys

Private Message Tweek T >> Craig

Tweek T: so what’s going on? What does Clyde have to say?  
Craig: it was more complicated than we thought   
Craig: he knows he was wrong tho  
Tweek T: what happened?   
Craig: just his dad being like “my son is straight hahaha”  
Craig: same old same old   
Tweek T: so he thought he had to break up???  
Craig: he thought he was straight not bi   
Tweek T: I need to give the taco a hug   
Craig: you can once he finds token   
Tweek T: lets hope this works out

~

Private Message Clyde >>> Token 

Clyde: token I was wrong I’m so sorry   
Clyde: I need to find you   
Clyde: token   
Clyde: I was confused and upset please I want to make up  
Clyde: token?

~

Clyde: I’m sorry for everything  
Clyde: I can’t loose you

~

Clyde: I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t forgive me  
Clyde: I was horrible and I didn’t offer any explanation   
Clyde: token please talk to me  
Clyde: even if it’s to say fuck off

~ 

Clyde: I’m so sorry 

~

Clyde bit his lip, pulling his jacket closer to himself as the cold wind knifed him. His phone buzzed and he eagerly looked at the screen. He frowned when he realised it was a text from Tweek and not Token.  
He didn’t bother reading the message, pocketing his phone and scanning the area. This was the last place he could think of – the place where they had first confessed.  
“Token?” Clyde moves through the park, slipping through the bushes and into the clearing. He wanted to find Token standing there, waiting for him, but the male was nowhere in sight.   
“Token?” Clyde called again. He stepped into the centre of the clearing. There, just as he left it, a group of rocks in the shape of a heart lay on the ground.   
“I fucked up.” Clyde let his legs collapse beneath him. His hands trembled as he brought them to his face, covering his eyes. “I really fucked up.”  
“You can say that again.”  
Clyde looked up sharply, knowing the deep voice anywhere. His breath caught as he stared at Token, who had just entered the clearing.   
“Token I –“ Clyde began, but Token cut him off with a raise of his hand.   
“Why did you think that?” Token asked quietly. He held up his phone. “Tweek told me what happened with you and the others…is that true?”  
His voice was upset and angry, and Clyde felt tears burn into his eyes at the sound of the pain.  
“I thought – I thought my dad was right…I just wanted him to like me…” Clyde shook his head. “But I was wrong. I really fucked up but I just wanted him to be proud and –“ Clyde felt tears run down his cheek, his voice becoming too clogged to continue. He couldn’t see through his blurred vision, but suddenly felt himself get pressed against someone else’s chest.   
“Shh…” Token soothed. “I know you’re sorry…”  
“Didn’t make it hurt you any less.” Clyde whispered. He nuzzled into Token, hearing his heart rhythmically.   
Token said nothing but stroked Clyde’s hair slowly.  
“Don’t do it again.” He muttered. Clyde nodded.  
“I won’t. You’re my number one.” Clyde wipes the tears from his face. Token gave a snort, punching him lightly on the shoulder.  
“That was so corny.” His boyfriend laughed. Clyde smiled.  
“I thought it was pretty good…” he replied, relaxing in Token’s muscular arms. They both lay down, looking at the darkening sky.  
“How can I make this up to you?” Clyde asked as the minutes ticked by; he hadn’t missed the hurt still lingering in Token’s features, his eyes rimmed red from crying.  
Token didn’t say anything at first, and Clyde thought he hadn’t heard him.  
“We do things together.” He eventually replied. “No more bottling things up. No more secrets.”   
Clyde snuggled closer to Token.   
“That sounds great.”

~

Group Chat >>> Stay Away Heteros

<Tweek’s Thot is online>  
<MotherOfUsGays is online>  
<UneducatedSwine is online>

UneducatedSwine:how does one “come out” to their parents?  
MotherOfUsGays: Asians doing artwork of you  
UneducatedSwine: just no  
<The_UwU is online>   
The_UwU: I kinda just wore a lesbian flag until they googled what it meant  
UneducatedSwine: I’m not a lesbian   
<Ass_Swiper is online>  
Ass_Swiper: I hope not  
The_UwU: plot twist  
Ass_Swiper: is butters here?  
Ass_Swiper: nope he’s not   
UneducatedSwine: why?  
Ass_Swiper: he wanted to try on some of my girl clothes and I’d said I’d give him a ping  
The_UwU: I’ve got some things I’m gonna dump in a charity shop if you want them  
Ass_Swiper: ooh what are they?  
The_UwU: summer dresses  
Ass_Swiper: casual or trying to impress  
The_UwU: a cute casual   
Ass_Swiper: I’ll come round tomorrow and take a look  
<Butter_my_nutters is online>  
Ass_Swiper: BUTTERS  
Butter_my_nutters: what is it?  
Ass_Swiper: I got those clothes you wanted  
Butter_my_nutters: that’s nice of you :D  
Ass_Swiper: I’m a nice guy   
UneducatedSwine: oh god don’t make his ego any bigger please   
UneducatedSwine: it’s already at danger levels   
Ass_Swiper: confidence is the key to success!!!  
UneducatedSwine: not that much   
MotherOfUsGays: oh?  
Ass_Swiper: what  
MotherOfUsGays: yeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssss  
The_UwU: WHAT  
MotherOfUsGays: Token and Clyde are back together!!!   
Ass_Swiper: YEAH YEAH YEAH  
Butter_my_nutters: they did! I hoped they would!  
UneducatedSwine: good for them!  
Tweek’s Thot: so we talked some sense into him  
Ass_Swiper: yup yup   
<Aa$$$ is online>  
Aa$$$: he was more upset than I thought he would be  
Aa$$$: he keeps thinking he has to prove himself when I get that he was in a bad place   
Tweek’s Thot: didn’t have to break up with you tho  
Ass_Swiper: I swear to god Craig don’t ruin this moment  
MotherOfUsGays: he was always very sensitive   
Tweek’s Thot: he was a crybaby when we were younger  
Ass_Swiper: Craig  
Ass_Swiper: ruining the moment here  
Aa$$$: I found him where we first confessed…I think he was looking for me there.  
Aa$$$: I was going to give him a piece of my mind but then he explained and damn   
Aa$$$: whoever hurt my baby will pay   
MotherOfUsGays: how are you?  
Aa$$$: I mean, a little shaken up by the whole thing  
Aa$$$: but happy and still kinda mad because he was an idiot  
Aa$$$: my idiot  
UneducatedSwine: does he want to come back in here?  
Aa$$$: yeah probably but he’s sleeping rn   
<Ass_Swiper added TacoMASTER to the chat>  
Ass_Swiper: ta da   
UneducatedSwine: my mum and dad are finally home, gotta go   
<UneducatedSwine left the chat>  
Ass_Swiper: and there he goes   
Butter_my_nutters: hey ken can I come and collect those clothes now?  
Ass_Swiper: yeah I think our dads are at the bar so it should be safe  
<Butter_my_nutters left the chat>  
Ass_Swiper: and there he goes  
Aa$$$: bro any good comedies to watch on dvd?  
Aa$$$: me and Clyde are heading to my place   
The_UwU: I don’t really watch movies  
Ass_Swiper: get out of here   
Tweek’s Thot: Megamind   
MotherOfUsGays: that’s not a comedy that’s an emotional rollercoaster   
Ass_Swiper: put on a cheap Adam Sandler thing  
Aa$$$: I’d rather die   
Tweek’s Thot: what about Airplane? I think Netflix got it  
Aa$$$: what’s that   
Tweek’s Thot: you are uneducated   
MotherOfUsGays: I haven’t seen it either   
Tweek’s Thot: I’m gonna have to educate you   
Ass_Swiper: * _now that’s a kink I could get into*_  
Aa$$$: Kenny NO  
The_UwU: take a shot each time someone types that   
MotherOfUsGays: Jesus Christ we’d all be dead   
Ass_Swiper: every text could be your last   
Ass_Swiper: living life on the edge

~

Private Message Stan >>> Kyle B

Stan: your parents back?  
Stan: kyyyylllle   
Kyle B: you impatient dickhead   
Stan: a hello would’ve been nice  
Kyle B: fuck you :D  
Stan: I’ll take what I can get  
Kyle B: XD  
Kyle B: oh and yeah they’re back   
Kyle B: my moms stressed a little and my dads the same old  
Kyle B: and my mom fussed over me for an hour  
Stan: then why didn’t she come when you were sick?  
Kyle B: I guess it’s happened too many times to worry  
Kyle B: I don’t mind anyway I handled it fine  
Stan: you mean me Cartman and Kenny handled it fine  
Kyle B: she looks a bit guilty so I’m not going to hold grudges  
Kyle B: believe it or not, she is a nice mum   
Stan: Hmm  
Kyle B: you can Hmm all you want   
Stan: so are you still up for hanging out tonight?  
Kyle B: I mean I should be   
Kyle B: it’s only to Cartman’s crappy tree house  
Stan: I mean it’s better that trying to hang out at the park at night   
Kyle B: true true  
Stan: Cartman says he’s got something to show us so god knows what he has planned  
Kyle B: he probably wants to rub it in Kenny’s face that’s all  
Stan: it beats helping my dad on the farm  
Kyle B: I think anything would  
Kyle B: at least Kenny gets his weed   
Stan: the day Kenny doesn’t have weed is the day the world ends  
Kyle B: planets colliding   
Stan: meteors falling  
Kyle B: the ground bursts into flames  
Stan: XD  
Kyle B: XD  
Stan: we’ll see you later dude  
Kyle B: yeah see you 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan falls down a hole. That’s it

_Group Chat_ Fuck Cartman

Gingerbread: YOU ASSHOLE CARTMAN

Gingerbread: WHAT THE FUCK

<Fatboy is online>

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

<KennyMcDick is online>

Kyle’s Bro: whhats uo

KennyMcDick: “whhats uo”?

Kyle’s Bro: typimg with ledt habd

KennyMcDick: left hand?

Gingerbread: CARTMAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

Fatboy: nothing

Gingerbread: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE YOU ASS

Gingerbread: I’m done

<Gingerbread has left the chat>

KennyMcDick: hdbhdjdjdjsshsk

Kyle’s Bro: whar did you do?

Fatboy: Stan just turn on auto correct jeez

Fatboy: and time answer your question, only what Kyle deserved after calling me fat

KennyMcDick: cartman

Fatboy: his locker is now demolished and filled with condoms

KennyMcDick: CARTMAN

Kyle’s Bro: where did his stuff go???

Fatboy: my stuff now

KennyMcDick: that’s theft

Kyle’s Bro: you have no problem with vandalism but theft draws the line?

KennyMcDick: yes

KennyMcDick: but this is Kyle’s locker so I’m enraged

Kyle’s Bro: _enraged_

Fatboy: he had it coming. I’m big boned not fat

Kyle’s Bro: fat

KennyMcDick: not as fat as you were when you were ten but still fat

Fatboy: AY

<TacoMASTER is online>

TacoMASTER: ok who wrote “use protection next time” on Kyle’s locker??

KennyMcDick: CARTMAN

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

<Craig is online>

Craig: I’m sorry what

Fatboy: I did. It’s great isn’t it

TacoMASTER: are those condoms???

KennyMcDick: you are an actual asshole cartman

TacoMASTER: could I take a few? I mean it’s not like your gonna run out with that amount

Fatboy: pay me back and you can have them

TacoMASTER: nvm

Craig: what is this about?

<TooMuchPressure is online>

TooMuchPressure: Wait

TooMuchPressure: are those?

TooMuchPressure: did I just see

KennyMcDick: you saw Kyle’s locker packed with condoms with writing saying “use protection next time”?

TooMuchPressure: oh so I’m not going insane

Craig: no bby

Fatboy: he called me fat

Craig: are you always this immature?

Fatboy: if was genius

TacoMASTER: well it’s quite a sight I can tell you that

TacoMASTER: not exactly genius

KennyMcDick: you went to all that effort

KennyMcDick: just because he called you fat

Fatboy: and he’s a Jew

KennyMcDick: oh for Christ’s sake dude

TacoMASTER: how much did the condoms cost all together?

Fatboy: more that what Kenny’s parents make in a year

KennyMcDick: so it’s the poor jokes time? How nice

Craig: yeah but he probably didn’t buy them

Craig: his mom just has draws full of them for each night she shags a guy

TacoMASTER: HAHA

KennyMcDick: true true

Fatboy: AY! SHES NOT A SLUT!

KennyMcDick: she is a _harlot_

Craig: a skank if you will

Fatboy: FUCK YOU GUYS

<Fatboy has left the chat>

Craig: Ah yes mom insults are always the best

TacoMASTER: I don’t have a mom so I’m not allowed to make them anymore

KennyMcDick: Clyde I don’t know whether to laugh at that joke or hug you

TacoMASTER: honestly I don’t mind either

~

_Private Chat_ Stan >>> Kyle B

Stan: dude

Stan: kyyyle

Stan: Kyle

Kyle B: yes?

Stan: I have a problem

Kyle B: does this have something to do with your left handed typing?

Stan: I think I broke my arm

Kyle B: what! Where are you???

Stan: errr past the pond a little bit in like a ditch

Kyle B: why didn’t you say sooner?!

Stan: I wasn’t thinking straight and I wanted to know what happened to make you angry

Kyle B: I’m coming and I’ll call cartman to give us a lift to hells pass

Stan: no

Kyle B: tough

Stan: I tripped whilst walking Sparky

Stan: he pulled too hard and I don’t know where he is

Kyle B: we’ll find him okay?

Kyle B: Stan I think you might have concussion too

Stan: what’s that?

Kyle B: just stay awake

Kyle B: how deep is the ditch?

Kyle B: Stan?

Kyle B: Stan?

Kyle B: I’m calling

Stan: yeah it’s hard to type

~

“Stan I’m at the woods. Why the hell would you walk a dog here?”

_“He likes the mud.”_

“All of this because your dog likes mud? Dude, you’re too sympathetic for your own good sometimes. He’s a dog.”

“ _He’s the best dog. Could you call out for him? I think he got scared when he ran and I’m worried for him.”_

“Yeah sure. Then you can hear me when I’m near.”

“ _You’re smart.”_

“I know Stan I know.”

_“And arrogant ew.”_

“Judging by the simple language and slurs I think you do have minor concussion. And I’m not arrogant.”

_“I mean my head’s bleeding so that could be why.”_

“Stan! You could’ve told me earlier!”

_“It slipped my mind. Get it? Because I slipped into this hole?!”_

“Ugh.”

_“What? It was good!”_

“That was the worse joke I’ve heard from you so far. And I’ve heard a lot from you.”

_“Hey I heard you talk then. Can you hear me?”_

“Yeah I do! Where are you – Jesus Christ!”

~

Kyle wobbled but managed to stumble back. He heard Stan shift slightly, probably trying to see whether Kyle was okay.

“You alright?” Stan’s voice was quieter than usual. Kyle nodded.

“Yeah…what kind of hole is this?!” Kyle looked back down it, eyes widened. It was too deep to be natural, more like a hunter’s trap. A fall like this could break an arm easily.

Stan was curled up at the bottom and gave Kyle a small grin.

“It’s a big hole.”

“No shit.” Kyle fumbled with his phone, explaining the situation to Kenny and Cartman via text. He paused typing, before adding an instruction to get some rope and muscle.

Kyle bit his lip before hanging his feet over the edge carefully.

“Kyle don’t.” Stan must’ve read his expression and was shaking his head to the best of his ability.

“I can’t leave you down there. You’re getting cold.” Kyle dug his boots into the dirt and began to slide down slowly until he was hanging on by his fingers.

“Kyle!”

“It’s fine.” Kyle was quite tall for his age (though not as tall as Craig or Kenny) so the fall was reduced by his new position. Closing his eyes, he let go.

He let out a cry as he landed on his lip, but luckily hadn’t broken anything. He wasted no time shuffling over to Stan who was paler up close.

“This is exactly why I bring an extra coat with me on cold days.” Kyle muttered, pulling an older coat out of his bag. Stan grinned.

“You knew I was going to fall into a giant hole? Thanks for the warning.” He joked, and Kyle punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“Shut up.” Kyle smiled, wrapping the coat around Stan’s muscular frame. He looked back up at the surface, frowning. “How did you miss this?”

“It was covered in leaves and stuff like in the movies.” Stan explained. He shivered, snuggling into the coat.

“So it was a hunting trap. Fuck these rednecks dude.” Kyle turned back to Stan. “Let’s help you up. Lying on the ground won’t make you warmer.”

“Okay. Fair point.” Stan, with Kyle’s help, managed to sit up with his back against the dirt. Kyle pressed himself against him to give him his warmth. He frowned when he saw the trail of blood running from his head to his jawline.

“You did smack your head didn’t you?” He muttered. Stan gave a short giggle.

“I would say it knocked some sense into me but I’m a lost cause.” He grinned. Kyle rolled his eyes.

“You got that right.”

~

_Group Chat_ >>> Save Stan

<Kyle B added _Mysterion_ and _Eric_ to the group chat>

Kyle B: Stan fell down a hole near Starks Pond and broke his arm.

Kyle B: could you guys drive here and help out?

Kyle B: and bring rope and someone to help pull it’s a pretty deep hole.

<Kyle B left the chat>

<Mysterion is online>

<Eric is online>

Eric: Wait what the fuck

Mysterion: what

Mysterion: Jesus Christ I’ll get the rope

Eric: fuck Kyle for making me drive to Starks pond

Mysterion: you could just say no idiot

Eric: I might as well see how Stan got there

Mysterion: I’m asking everybody for help that’s online rn

Mysterion: Token has some climbing gear that could help

Eric: I’ll drive to his first then and then I’ll pick up the others.

Mysterion: I’ll get everyone that can help to meet at Token’s so less time is wasted

Eric: yeah I don’t want to become an Uber service

<Mysterion has left the chat>

<Eric has left the chat>

~

“Down here! Careful!” Kyle’s voice rang out just as Kenny got yanked back by Craig.

“Watch out!” He said, pointing in front of them. Kenny blinked at the sight of a giant hole in front of them.

“That’s a Hunter’s Trap.” Kenny had seen these before when his Dad went out with his friends and practiced in the back garden. Karen almost fell into it.

“Gah! What’s one doing here?!” Tweek twitched, grabbing Craig’s hand.

“Rednecks.” Cartman muttered, folding his arms.

Kenny got onto his hands and knees, staring down the hole. Kyle was sitting next to Stan, face smudged with dirt.

Stan was looking a lot worse for wear; he was paler than Kyle and was leaning heavily on the ginger’s side.

“Come on fags! Where’s the rope?!” Cartman shouted after a quick glance down himself.

“Butters has it.” Clyde answered. Butters came running forward with the bundle in his hands.

“Put this on Stan!” Token called out and threw his climbing harness down Kyle.

“Are you okay down there?” Kenny asked as the boys worked behind him. Kyle nodded, gently hooking the harness around Stan.

“I’m fine. But Stan’s just been getting worse. I thinks it’s shock.” Kyle called up at him. Kenny nodded, standing up again.

“Tie it to that tree.” Craig suggested. In front of him, Clyde was holding one end of the rope.

“It’s too far away. We won’t have enough to reach them.” Clyde shook his head.

“What about that one? On the other side of the hole?” Tweek’s shaking finger pointed to the tree stump opposite them.

“That could work.” Token answered. “Just be careful.” He turned to Clyde, who smiled.

“Careful is my middle – whoa!” Clyde’s boasting was cut off as his foot slipped and almost fell into the hole. Cartman facepalmed as Token gasped loudly.

“I’m fine! Stupid fucking ice almost got me, that’s all!” Clyde (slower now) made his way to the tree stump and tied the rope around it. He gave it a tug and then flashed them a thumbs up.

Kenny and the others moved to the other side and grabbed the rope, ready to pull. Token thew down the other end.

“Tie this around the metal buckle!” He instructed. Kyle gave no verbal answer, but the rope tensed as it was tied to Stan.

“I never thought this would happen this morning.” Stan’s weak voice came from inside the hole, and Kenny could practically hear Kyle’s eye roll.

“Ready?” Craig yelled backwards.

“Ready.” Kenny answered along with the rest of the group (even Cartman was helping, which was a surprise).

“Pull!” Craig ordered. Kenny pulled with all his might, and smiled when he felt the rope shift towards them steadily.

It wasn’t long before he could see Stan’s head at the top of the hole. Kenny let go of the rope and rushed forward to pull him out.

“Out we go.” He grunted as he pulled out his friend. Stan let out a small cry as his arm was jostled.

“We did it!” Clyde shouted happily once Stan was out completely. He let Cartman drag him away and tossed the rope to Kyle.

“Thanks.” Kyle climbed up by himself, taking Kenny’s offered hand.

“I don’t wanna...” Stan’s slurred voice came from behind them. Kyle sighed, moving to help Cartman and Token carry him to the car.

“You have to.” Kyle answered.

“Could someone find Sparky? He ran off…” Stan asked as he was placed in the back seat of Cartman’s van.

“Yeah! We can do that!” Tweek answered. The blonde grabbed Craig’s and and they were gone, calling Sparky’s name.

“I’m coming with.” Kenny volunteered himself, squashing himself next to Kyle.

“Great. Now my car is going to be super dirty.” Cartman grumbled.

“Shut up Cartman.”


	15. Chapter 15

_Group Chat_ Fuck Cartman

<Gingerbread is online>

<KennyMcDick is online>

<Craig is online>

<TooMuchPressure is online>

KennyMcDick: yeah but spoon feeding is too cliché

Gingerbread: and germs dude. Germs

Craig: oh fuck you. You’re still going on about this?!

KennyMcDick: I’m SORRY BUT YOUR ROMANCE IS GIVING US A BAD NAME

Craig: fuck you

TooMuchPressure: I think it’s kinda sweet

Gingerbread: no. Just no.

Craig: what about the whole “spanking ass” thing Kenny??? Huh??? That hurts my eyes to look at

KennyMcDick: yes but I must smack Kyle’s ass

KennyMcDick: it’s one helluva ass

TooMuchPressure: yes but that gives us a bad name!

KennyMcDick: H O W

Craig: it makes us look slutty

Gingerbread: spoon feeding makes us look like pussies

KennyMcDick: do you want to be a pussy Craig? Tweek?

<Aa$$$ is online>

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

Aa$$$: what the hell is going on here???

KennyMcDick: okay okay okay what about the “swapping hats” thing? It just makes you look dumb

TooMuchPressure: I like Craig’s hat!

Craig: says the guy who likes to brush his bf’s hair and play with it constantly

KennyMcDick: if Tweek has hair like that you would be doing it too

Craig: Tweek’s hair is better

KennyMcDick: TAKE THAT BACK YOU HOOLIGAN

Gingerbread: hooligan? This is top their vocabulary

Aa$$$: I said I said I said _boy,_ WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!

<TacoMASTER is online>

Butter_my_nutters: I have no idea but it’s good entertainment whilst I wait for my parents to come home

Gingerbread: yes Craig but you and Tweek do that “nose nuzzling” thing that makes me want to choke myself with my own hair

Craig: it’s darn right adorable to see Tweek’s nose up close

TooMuchPressure: I like nose nuzzles!

TacoMASTER: I may have started something

<Fatboy is online>

Fatboy: sorry I’m late I was getting popcorn

Gingerbread: SHUT UP CARTMAN

KennyMcDick: NOSE NUZZLING IS THE WORST COUPLE THING I HAVE EVER SEEN FIGHT ME

Craig: BRING IT ON BITCH

Aa$$$: what did you do

TacoMASTER: I just started a conversation on what’s embarrassing couple behaviour and what’s not!

TacoMASTER: Craig then said that the way Kyle puts flowers in Kenny’s hair is embarrassing and

Fatboy: best entertainment all week

TooMuchPressure: wait not an actual fight right?! They make me nervous!

Aa$$$: I like the flower crown that Kyle made for Kenny. I think it was gorgeous

Craig: token don’t tell me you’ve taken their side

KennyMcDick: HA Craig you’re wrong pussy ass bitch

TacoMASTER: LADIES LADIES LADIES

TacoMASTER: calm yourselves

TooMuchPressure: clyde you can’t talk, token sings to you

KennyMcDick: UGH

Craig: MAKE IT STOP

TacoMASTER: BITCH TOKEN’S SONGS ARE ADORABLE

Gingerbread: adorably EMBARRASSING

Craig: I take it back this behaviour gives gay couples a bad name

TacoMASTER: OH YOU WANNA GO BITCH

Aa$$$: come on, I’ve heard that Craig writes love notes in class to give to Tweek

Gingerbread: I think I just threw up in my mouth

Craig: OH BITCH DON’T GET ME STARTED

Fatboy: oh this is getting GOOD

Butter_my_nutters: not going to lie fellas but I think all these actions are embarrassing to all of human kind

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: can anyone pick me up from hells pass?

KennyMcDick: look token I’m just saying that writing fucking songs is worse than flower crowns. Flower crowns are great

Aa$$$: oh you would say that you have no taste

TacoMASTER: AT LEAST A SONG IS BETTER THAN NOSE NUZZLES

TooMuchPressure: take that back!

Kyle’s Bro: anyone???

Butter_my_nutters: should we get Bebe to sort them out?

Fatboy: nah this is fun

Kyle’s Bro: nvm I think I prefer a lift from my dad at this point

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

TacoMASTER: and Craig if you give Tweek another cup of coffee with a heart in it I’m going to SCREAM

Craig: Scream then pussy

Gingerbread: kill me now

Craig: gladly

KennyMcDick: I swear to god Craig

Craig: swear then pussy

KennyMcDick: FUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU GOD FOR CREATING COUPLES LIKE CRAIG AND TWEEK

Craig: GOD DON’T LISTEN TO HIM

Butter_my_nutters: I don’t think god is reading this group chat

Fatboy: I hope he does

Aa$$$: ok I’m officially done with life I’ll see you hopefully never

<Aa$$$ has left the chat>

TacoMASTER: don’t worry he just wants a good one fashioned 69

<TacoMASTER has left the chat>

Craig: ok I thought we made it clear to not talk about sex in a not gay chat

Craig: some of the hetero’s might cry

KennyMcDick: oh well. Welcome to gay 2.0

Fatboy: fuck you guys! No gay shit here

KennyMcDick: hello my name is Kenny McCormrick and I like to suck dick and drink cum on a daily basis

<Fatboy has left the chat>

KennyMcDick: that was all it took?

Gingerbread: you know that asshole by now

Gingerbread: he thinks that that is how homosexuals behave 24/7

TooMuchPressure: is he just super dumb or ignorant

Gingerbread: even now I don’t know the answer to that question

Butter_my_nutters: well I’m glad you’ve settled your differences even if it was over the hatred of someone else

Craig: ok I’m bored

KennyMcDick: I don’t care

Craig: go fuck yourself

KennyMcDick: gladly

Gingerbread: stop. Just stop

TooMuchPressure: in other news is anyone going to go on that school trip next week

Gingerbread: where? I wasn’t in school today

Gingerbread: diabetic things and such

TooMuchPressure: it’s going to some museum up north I think

Craig: well that’s boring

TooMuchPressure: I know I know but that’s not the part that I’m excited for

KennyMcDick: spill the beans

TooMuchPressure: I looked on a map and it says that it’s surrounded by arcades and takeaways and shit

TooMuchPressure: well not surrounded but it’s only a few streets away from the main town

Craig: you’re suggesting we do a bunk when we get there? Tweek, I’m so proud of you

TooMuchPressure: I can’t even glorify a museum

Gingerbread: I mean that sounds like a blast. How many year groups are coming?

Butter_my_nutters: I heard it was our year, some year below us and the smartest elementary class

Gingerbread: wait

KennyMcDick: I’m down definitely

Craig: I can’t because I’ve had too many detentions but I can get there in other ways

Gingerbread: mom says yes because Ike’s going too

Gingerbread: he’s in that smart elementary class

KennyMcDick: so you can go? YES

Craig: your bro won’t be annoying will he?

Gingerbread: I mean, he’ll annoy me but I think he’ll hang out with his class.

Gingerbread: actually tbh he’s probably plotting something similar with his friends

KennyMcDick: as long as Craig and Tweek aren’t doing lovey-dovey shit I’m fine

Craig: excuse me? You’re the ones that are embarrassing

KennyMcDick: YOU WANNA GO

Butter_my_nutters: not again

Craig: you let Kyle put fucking flowers in your hair

KennyMcDick: is there something wrong with that fuck face?

Gingerbread: Flowers are MUCH BETTER than swapping fucking hats you retard

<Fatboy is online>

Fatboy: Aw right the fight’s back

TooMuchPressure: Craig isn’t retarded for having fucking taste

KennyMcDick: you call that’s taste? DO YOU NEED HELP???

Fatboy: I could watch this all day


	16. Chapter 16

_Group Chat_ > Fuck Cartman

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: @everyone has anyone found Sparky???

Kyle’s Bro: anyone???

<Gingerbread is online>

Gingerbread: not yet, but the whole gang is looking

Kyle’s Bro: have you checked in the holly bushes?

Gingerbread: yeah we have

<KennyMcDick is online>

KennyMcDick: I’m going to check down at the marshes

KennyMcDick: I’ve called Clyde and he says he’ll get token and help find him

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

Kyle’s Bro: what if we don’t find him? What am I going to do? He’s getting old and I don’t know whether he can manage

Gingerbread: Stan calm down

Gingerbread: we aren’t leaving until we find him

Kyle’s Bro: but what if he ran into a road???? I can’t

Gingerbread: he’s not that dumb

Kyle’s Bro: but what if it did happen? What do I do Kyle???

Gingerbread: dm me for a sec

Kyle’s Bro: ok

~

_Private Chat_ Kyle B >> Stan

Kyle B: Stan if somehow that is the case and sparky is dead I will help you, I promise

Kyle B: I really care about you Stan, and I dong want you to throw yourself away again. Please don’t hide away again.

Stan: it’s all just too much

Stan: I can’t keep going

Stan: Sparky was always there for me and I just don’t know what to do if I don’t have to walk him every morning or rub his belly

Kyle B: Please keep going stan.

Kyle B: because I don’t know what I’ll do without you

Kyle B: you’ve always been there. You matter so much to me, Kenny and even Cartman. It’s always been us four since the start.

Kyle B: please don’t give up Stan.

Stan: I’ll try Kyle but everything is so wrong lately

Stan: and sparkys missing now, I just feel like the world is out to get me

Kyle B: if it is then I’ll stop it.

Stan: I don’t know whether you can

Kyle B: watch me

Stan: we will find sparky, right?

Kyle B: yeah we will, I promise

Stan: thank you

Stan: even if it is just empty words they made me feel better

Kyle B: they are never empty words, Stan. I could never lie to you

Kyle B: come meet me at the four oak trees

Kyle B: we’ll find Sparky together

Stan: ok

~

Kyle smiled as Stan came into view, wearing long boots and a thick coat. It was good to know that he had gone to the effort to take care of himself before looking for his dog.

Despite his dress up, Stan’s eyes were red and puffy, his hands clenched in a clear sign of stress. Kyle had been with Stan for years, and could easily read him.

For example, the slouched posture and the way his feet dragged sadly told Kyle that Stan desperately wanted a hug, and so he complied.

The Jew strode over to his best friend and wrapped his arms tightly around his muscular frame. Stan leaned into the touch, pressing his face into Kyle’s shoulder. It was a side that Stan only ever showed to Kyle, and Kyle was glad for it.

They stood there for some time, arms wrapped around each other. Kyle knew that this wasn’t just about Sparky anymore, but rather Sparky was the tipping point for his friend.

Kyle’s gloves hand rubbed soothing circles on Stan’s back, waiting patiently for his tears to subside.

“Thank you.” Was what Stan always said after moments like these, and this time was no different. Careful not to jostle his broken arm, Kyle hugged him tighter.

It began to snow, flakes slowly drifting onto Kyle’s hat. It was then he realised that Stan had forgotten his. Without a second thought, he pulled his off and placed it over his friend’s raven hair.

Stan looked up, making a noise of protest.

“But you’ll get sick again…” he tried to say, but Kyle shook his head with a smile.

“I’m already wearing two layers.” He gestured to his thick coat, bulky and padded from the two jumpers underneath. “No sickness will get through this.”

Stan smiled for the first time that day, and Kyle found himself smiling too.

“Come on – lets go find your dog.” He told the raven-haired, who nodded determinedly.

It was like the minutes before never happened – Stan’s mouth was now a thin line on his face, tears nonexistent on his cheeks. But Kyle could see the worry and grief shining in his eyes as the snow got harder, sticking in Kyle’s hair.

“It’s getting colder.” Stan said, looking up at the sky. A snowflake got caught in his eyelash.

Kyle didn’t say anything, knowing that this was a time where words didn’t matter. Instead, he placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

“Stan! Stan! Kyle!” A voice – Kenny’s voice – rang through the trees. Kyle spotted his boyfriend running towards them, his hood falling to his shoulders.

“What is it?” Kyle asked when Stan didn’t say anything. He hoped for his friend’s sake that it wasn’t bad news. Anything else would make him crumble entirely, and Kyle wouldn’t be amble to pick up the pieces the same way he did last time.

“We found him.” Kenny’s face broke into a grin as he breathlessly continued. “He’s all good – and he’s looking for you.” The blonde turned to Stan, who’s eyes were wide with the news. Kyle watched as his face broke into a grin.

“He’s okay?” Stan laughed, his breath fogging the air. “He’s okay!”

Without another word, Stan began to run the same route Kenny had took, stumbling slightly through the snow. Kyle took Kenny’s hand and they ran after him. The cold stung his cheeks, and he found himself getting breathless as it knifed his lungs.

“Slow down Kyle. We’re almost there.” Kenny said from beside him. Kyle nodded. He had never been the best at sports – running particularly.

“Here.” Somehow Kenny knew he hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and handed him a chocolate bar. Kenny always had them on supply, and Kyle wondered whether it was just for this purpose.

“Thanks.” Kyle bit into the bar, the sweetness coating his tongue.

“Just eat next time.” Kenny told him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “You’ll end up killing yourself one day.”

“I know.” Kyle grinned, following Stan’s footsteps imprinted in the snow. He quickly grabbed his insulin from his pocket and fiddled with the buttons. “But this was more important.” He said with a soft smile.

Together they walking into the clearing, and spotted Stan kneeling on the ground with a bundle of squirming fur in his arm. Kyle walked up to his friend, poking him on the shoulder.

“What did I tell you?” He said. Stan looked up at him, and Sparky’s big head poked out from his coat. The dog was ecstatic, his tail furiously wagging as he tried to lick every inch of his owner’s face.

“Can we go home now?” Cartman’s voice whined from behind them. He heard a dull thump and a yell – a sure sign that Kenny had shut him up one way or another.

“Are you a good boy? Are you?” Stan stood up, holding Sparky’s leash tight as he praised the dog. His casted arm was making it harder for the raven-haired – Sparky pulled hard even when he was calm – but he didn’t offer help, because he already knew what the answer would be.

“We found him in the bushes.” Token and Clyde hopped out from behind the trees, snow coating their heads and shoulders. “He had created a little home there.” Token explained.

“He wasn’t so dumb after all.” Clyde noted, mostly to himself as usual.

“He waited for you.” Kyle told Stan quietly. Stan nodded. The Jew saw tears glisten in his friend’s eyes, but he was glad to see that they were of joy and not grief.

“I know.” Stan bent down, scratching behind the dog’s ear. “And I’d wait for him in the same way.”

~

<Fatboy is online>

Fatboy: oh my god I think I’ve actually frozen

<KennyMcDick is online>

<Gingerbread is online>

KennyMcDick: shut up fatass

Gingerbread: shut up fatass

Fatboy: you shut up!

KennyMcDick: w o w

<TooMuchPressure is online>

TooMuchPressure: did you find him?

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

<Craig is online>

Gingerbread: yeah we did! He’s fine and Stan’s taking him home

Butter_my_nutters: hooray!

Craig: where was he? Me and Tweek couldn’t find him anywhere

KennyMcDick: Token said he was in some bushes and waiting

Butter_my_nutters: awwww

Craig: so is Stan coming to the trip? He said he’d only go if he found Sparky so I assume so

KennyMcDick: we got the whole gang boys!

Fatboy: I wish Kyle wasn’t going

KennyMcDick: say that again FATBOY

Fatboy: I. Wish. Kyle. Wasn’t. Going.

<KennyMcDick has left the chat>

Butter_my_nutters: oh you done it now Eric

Gingerbread: I place ten dollars on Kenny

Craig: same

<TacoMASTER is online>

TacoMASTER: who’s gonna want to bet on Cartman though???

Fatboy: shut up I can beat up Kenny if I want!

Gingerbread: naaahhhhh

Fatboy: uh yeah! I could beat up you too Kyle!

Gingerbread: you’ve said this so many times and each time I smash your face in

TacoMASTER: true true

Butter_my_nutters: I wanna see the fight! Where is it!

Gingerbread: wherever Kenny sees Cartman I guess

Fatboy: I’m gonna beat him! He’s making a mistake!

Craig: uuuhhh

TooMuchPressure: Uuuhhhhhhh

Butter_my_nutters: uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh

Gingerbread: uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

<Aa$$$ is online>

Aa$$$: UUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TacoMASTER: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH nope

Fatboy: fuck you guys!

<Fatboy has left the chat>

Craig: take a shot each time he says that

TacoMASTER: we’d be dead boy


	17. Chapter 17

_KennyMcDick created group chat >>>_ Finger Bang Bang

 _<_ KennyMcDick added Gingerbread to the group chat>

<KennyMcDick added Fatboy to the group chat>

<KennyMcDick added Kyle’s Bro to the group chat>

<Gingerbread is online>

KennyMcDick: I thought we needed a group chat for the og’s.

Gingerbread: what, after the old one was infiltrated by you inviting everyone else?

KennyMcDick: you can’t prove it’s me

Gingerbread: actually I can

KennyMcDick: shut up boy

Gingerbread: did u just go western on me?

KennyMcDick: that may be true

Gingerbread: stop before u hurt urself

<Fatboy is online>

Fatboy: wtf

Fatboy: where am I

KennyMcDick: I created a group chat just for us four

Fatboy: because u fuckin ruined the last one

KennyMcDick: tread carefully Cartman I can and will ban u

Fatboy: fuck u

KennyMcDick: NO FUCK U

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: that’s a little gay

Gingerbread: yeah I thought u aren’t going to cheat on me

KennyMcDick: I would NEVER

KennyMcDick: unless it was Craig

KennyMcDick: come on he’s like a fucking god

Gingerbread: u right tho

Kyle’s Bro: like I’m straight but I’d totally be down for dicking Craig

KennyMcDick: yeah I wouldn’t blame u

Fatboy: Jesus Christ can we shut up about that fucker Craig?

KennyMcDick: like can u imagine him

KennyMcDick: pounding

Fatboy: shut the fuck up kenny!

KennyMcDick: your

Fatboy: KENNY I DIDN’T ACCEPT UR INVITE TO TALK ABOUT FAGGY SHIT

KennyMcDick: ass

Gingerbread: Tweek scored gold

Kyle’s Bro: that’s like the equivalent of me scoring with Bebe

Gingerbread: but that’s not going to happen because Bebe likes girls

Kyle’s Bro: well thanks for ruining my dreams

Kyle’s Bro: jk jk I wouldn’t cheat

Fatboy: my fucking god I’m gonna fucking kill Kyle if u don’t stop talking about fucking fags

Gingerbread: WHY ME

Gingerbread: KILL KENNY NOT ME

KennyMcDick: my loyal bf Kyle Broflovski everyone

Gingerbread: I swear to god Cartman if u make a Jew joke I’m going to stab my eye with this pencil

Fatboy: lol Kenny you should’ve seen it coming jews are only loyal to their money

Gingerbread: OH FUCK U

Fatboy: NO FUCK U

Kyle’s Bro: again guys, no homo but fuck you both. I’m in class and my phone keeps buzzing like crazy

KennyMcDick: sure no homo dude that’s okay

Gingerbread: Stan you shouldn’t be texting in class you’re failing it and you have a test tomorrow

Kyle’s Bro: relaaaax it’s only english

Kyle’s Bro: besides I thought we were gonna steal the answers tonight. Are we still on?

Fatboy: fuck yeah if I don’t get those answers I’m finished

Gingerbread: of course I’ll help but I’m not happy

Kyle’s Bro: I’ll study harder I promise

Gingerbread: that’s what u said last time

Gingerbread: may I remind you that we ended up almost setting the school on fire that last time?

KennyMcDick: someone was coming! It was ur idea to get rid of the evidence!

Kyle’s Bro: didn’t cartman jump out of the fucking window

Fatboy: ey I have priorities I’m one strike to being expelled

Kyle’s Bro: and whose fault is that?

Fatboy: Kyles

Gingerbread: WHAT

KennyMcDick: alllright calm down everyone

KennyMcDick: we need Kyle to squeeze through the vent and if he doesn’t we are scuppered my bros

KennyMcDick: so stay on his good side he has the power to shut this operation down

Gingerbread: yeah I do

Gingerbread: but there should be less people in tonight because it’s that trip tomorrow

Gingerbread: u all going right?

Fatboy: yeah

KennyMcDick: yea

Kyle’s Bro: of course dude

KennyMcDick: but we have to make sure to bag the last two rows of the two seaters at the back, not the three seaters or someone has to sit with a bunch of strangers

KennyMcDick: then we can actually fucking talk freely.

Kyle’s Bro: yeah we can have a little two by two square

Fatboy: I’ll sit next to stan so u fags don’t snog over the seats

Kyle’s Bro: without my consent but okay

KennyMcDick: Cartman haven’t u seen those videos??? Consent is IMPORTANT BRO

Fatboy: it was a fucking seat

<Gingerbread has left the chat>

KennyMcDick: oh?

Kyle’s Bro: he left

Fatboy: finally

<Gingerbread is online>

Fatboy: fuck

Gingerbread: sorry my house is getting it’s wifi redone

Gingerbread: and fuck you cartman

Kyle’s Bro: yeah my WiFi’s acting up

KennyMcDick: I mean I think it was because of the crab people but it could also be the killer shrimp that invaded a few days ago

Gingerbread: the killer shrimp was because of the crab people

KennyMcDick: oh ok crab people it is

Kyle’s Bro: speaking of homes

Kyle’s Bro: u gonna tell them today Kyle?

Gingerbread: u think I should?

Fatboy: I mean if u tell them today and they fucking go nuts u can escape on the bus tomorrow

Fatboy: I always tell my mom shit before school trips it’s the best

KennyMcDick: that’s surprisingly smart for i cartman

KennyMcDick: but seriously tho, text me when u tell them Kyle

Gingerbread: ok

Gingerbread: we’re just about to eat so maybe now?

Fatboy: no over dinner is the worst

Fatboy: you just gotta tell em just before u go to the trip tomorrow

Kyle’s Bro: what like “I’m gay see ya later”

KennyMcDick: again I am shook by your wisdom

Gingerbread: nah my mum will want to talk about it either way and she’ll make me late

Gingerbread: I think she’ll be okay with it actually

KennyMcDick: dude ur talking about it as if it’s wrong

Kyle’s Bro: yeah don’t do that

Fatboy: fine. If ur telling them over dinner make sure they have their mouths fucking full of food so they have to think about it whilst they chew before answering

KennyMcDick: Jesus Christ cartman that’s pretty sneaky

Gingerbread: well my dads at work so it’s just mom

Fatboy: the bitch

Gingerbread: DON’T CALL MY MOM A BITCH CARTMAN

Gingerbread: anyway see you later tonight

KennyMcDick: yeah ok

<Gingerbread has left the chat>

Kyle’s Bro: u think he’ll be fine?

Fatboy: I got something planned if he isn’t

Fatboy: and the best thing is that involves trashing the school

KennyMcDick: Cartman just no.

~

_Private chat_ Kyle B >>> Mysterion

Kyle B: my mum was completely fine with it thank fucking Christ

Mysterion: omg so now can I come over for tea???

Kyle B: she says I have to tell my dad on my own but yeah probably

Mysterion: good because I really want to meet your mum when she’s not raving about something

Mysterion: and like where the fuck she gets her lip gloss because it looks fucking gorgeous I want some

Kyle B: Kenny you are actually adorable

Mysterion: it’s what I do best

~

_Private message_ Kyle B >>> Stan

Kyle B: Stan

Kyle B: please I need you right now

Kyle B: please fucking pick up

Kyle B: I can’t stay here anymore

Kyle B: please

Kyle B it’s him

Kyle B: I fucking knew he wouldn’t like it

Kyle B: Stan please where are you

Stan: Kyle calm down I’m here

Stan: where are you right now

Kyle B: he fucking chased me out the door

Kyle B: I can’t breathe stan help

Stan: Kyle I need to know where u are

Kyle B: I don’t know

Kyle B: I don’t know

Stan: I know it’s hard but you have to think for a second

Kyle B: outside the park

Kyle B: at the bench

Stan: stay there

Stan: talk to me

Stan: what happened

Stan: Kyle???

Stan: Kyle keep texting me pls

Kyle B: my mum was acted like it was no big deal which is exactly what I fucking wanted but he’s gone nuts and chased me out the house and I don’t know where to go and I’ve left my mum alone with him and I should be there but I ran

Stan: kyle it’s okay

Stan: I’m coming

Stan: you aren’t at the benches

Stan: Kyle?

Stan: Kyle please talk to me

Stan: I need to know where you are

Stan: please don’t go back to the house

Stan: Kyle please

Kyle B: ok

Kyle B: I’m at the road leading out the park

Stan: please stay where you are

Stan: have you talked to Kenny

Kyle B: I can’t

Kyle B: I can’t

Stan: okay

Stan: ok I’m walking down the path I can’t see you yet

Kyle B: I’m sorry

Kyle B: I’m so fucking sorry

Stan: none of this is your fault

Stan: can you see me? I think I see you

~

_Group chat_ >>> Finger Bang Bang

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Kyle’s Bro: Cartman you better have something good planned

<Fatboy is online>

<KennyMcDick is online>

Fatboy: yeah I do

KennyMcDick: what the fuck happened? He said him mom was fine with it is he okay

Kyle’s Bro: it’s his dad

Fatboy: of course it is that fucking prick

Kyle’s Bro: Kenny I know what you’re thinking don’t go over and beat him up please

Kyle’s Bro: he’s with me

Kyle’s Bro: I just put on a movie

KennyMcDick: I’m coming over

Fatboy: I’m already half way there I can pick u up

KennyMcDick: I’m gonna fucking kill him

KennyMcDick: where did u find him

Kyle’s Bro: he was at the park

Kyle’s Bro: he was really fucked up

Kyle’s Bro: I think he needs the distraction of breaking into a school and stealing some test papers right now

Fatboy: yeah we can push it forward like I said no ones at the school anyway

KennyMcDick: let’s go then

~

Stan gently nudged Kyle in the right direction. His friend was staring into nothing, biting his lip. He had stopped crying an hour ago, but his eyes were still red and puffy.

The van door slid open and Kenny hopped out. Stan watched as the blonde slowly wrapped his gloved hand around the Jew’s, squeezing it. Kyle looked at his boyfriend, snapping out of his daze.

“Let’s go break into a school.” Kenny muttered quietly. Stan, patting Kyle’s shoulder on the way past, jumped into the van to give them some space. Besides, Kyle needed to talk to Kenny right now – he had to admit that he didn’t fully understand the dilemma his friend was in.

Stan was terrified when he found Kyle curled up on the corner of the sidewalk, shaking. His friend was hyperventilating, his phone getting slowly crushed in his hands. Stan did the only thing he knew how: he hugged Kyle tightly, warming up his freezing limbs. He knew he would never forget moments like these, where Kyle was clinging to him as if he was a lifeline, which he probably was in that second.

Stan And Kyle. Their names were always together. They always had each other’s backs, attached to the hip. Stan knew this relationship would never break – they had simply shared too much together. Even if he and Kyle got married, had partners of their own to talk to – there would always be some things that would only be told to each other.

Suddenly, the van horn blared. Kyle and Kenny, who here kissing each other softly, jumped. Kenny flipped Cartman off.

“Come on! I didn’t wait all fucking day to see the two of you make out! Get in!” He heard Cartman shout angrily. Stan noticed, despite the tone, that Cartman hadn’t said “fags” like he usually did.

Kenny stepped into the van, pulling Kyle in after him, and made a point of sitting the ginger in between them both. Kenny glanced over the top of his boyfriend’s head, sharing a quick nod with Stan. Stan nodded back, noticing the angry flare that was glistening in the other’s eyes. Despite what he told him, he knew Kenny would retaliate against Gerald Broflovski later. He found that he didn’t really mind.

Kyle was silent for the entire ride, but Stan and Cartman filled in the silence with their most epic fails in subjects. Kenny joined in when they were halfway there, stroking Kyle’s hair as he talked.

It was like nothing was wrong, and Stan knew Kyle preferred it that way.

When the van jolted to a stop, Kyle looked up at him and gave him a weak smile. No words were said, but they weren’t needed.

“Take this.” Cartman said, pulling out a baseball bat and handing it to Kyle. Kyle looked at it in confusion.

“I thought I was sneaking through the vent.” He muttered.

“No anymore. We’re gonna make the biggest mess possible! It’s gonna be so funny!”

Stan and Kenny stared at Cartman, dumbfounded. It wasn’t like him to change the plan so suddenly. Cartman was very precise and devious, there was no way he would just do this out of the blue.

Cartman quickly caught their eye, and Stan suddenly knew what Cartman was up to. A quick glance at Kenny told him that he got the silent message too.

“Alright then.” Kenny said, pulling a mask over his face. He pulled off his bright coat, replacing it with the much darker one that Cartman had in his boot. He grabbed another one for Kyle. “Let’s do this.”

“But –“

“This will be good for you.” Stan said, handing Kyle a Jason mask. “Trust me.” He put a Michael Myers mask over his own head, grabbing another bat.

The group walked into the school grounds, and Cartman easily smashed the door open. Together they walked through the empty school halls until the came across their lockers.

“Wait a minute. This is Jacob Smiley’s locker.” Cartman froze.

“Whose that?” Stan asked, but was interrupted when Cartman stared to smash the hell out of it until it was a crumpled mess.

“He doesn’t matter anymore. Pretty fucking fun though.” Cartman answered breathlessly. Kenny suddenly ran to another locker and did the same.

“Take that Laurence Whitney!” He yelled, hitting it over and over with the bat. Stan held the bat tightly in his hand and began to hit the lockers closest to him.

He didn’t think Kyle would join in, but he found his friend soon at his side. He was hitting the lockers with more vigour than all of them combined, eyes narrowed into slits.

“Take that you fucking –“ Kyle smashed the bat on the locker particularly hard, creating a large dent. “Why don’t you even –“ the blows got faster as he muttered angrily under his breath.

Stan stopped his own actions, and he realised the others had done the same. They all watched Kyle as he went to town on the poor locker.

“Why. Don’t. You. Fucking. Care!” Kyle was yelling now, the wooden bat clutched tightly in his hand. “Why?!”

Stan moved closer to his other friends, watching concern flash in their eyes. Kenny dropped his bat to the floor.

“ _Why. Don’t . You. Love Me!”_ Kyle screamed. With a particularly violent hit, Kyle sank to the ground, wrapping his arms around himself. He was crying hopelessly, throwing his bat at the locker.

Stan and the others walked forward, kneeling next to him. Stan placed a hand over his shoulder and Kyle fell into his chest.

“I’ve tried _everything,_ Kyle whispered, “but no matter what I do he never even liked me, let alone…” Kyle broke off, clutching Stan’s shirt tightly. Kenny took the ginger’s hand and Cartman pulled off his coat and draped it around Kyle’s shoulders. The sheer size of it acted like a blanket for his friends slim frame.

“He’s never loved me.” Kyle said quietly. Stan couldn’t find any words to say, because it was horribly true. “Not from the moment I was born…”

The last word ended in a slur, and Stan suddenly felt Kyle go limp against him.

“Kyle?” He shook his friend gently, but he didn’t stir. “He’s passed out.”

Stan had seen this happen a few times before, and knew he had just exhausted himself, and forgotten to take his insulin amongst the events that had unfolded that night.

“Is he okay?” Kenny asked, holding Kyle’s hand tighter.

“Yeah. I know what to do.” Stan said, pulling the pen from his friend’s pocket. He gazed down at his friend’s resting face with a sigh.

“Fucking Jew.” Cartman muttered, but it was too softly to be hurtful. “Let’s get him to the van. Fuck these test scores.”

Together, the friends walked out of the hall and into the night air, leaving the broken school behind them.


	18. Chapter 18

Group Chat >>> Fuck Cartman

<TacoMASTER is online>

TacoMASTER: AY AY AY YOU READY FOR THIS TRIP BOYS

<Craig is online>

<TooMuchPressure is online>

<Kyle’s Bro is online>

Craig: dude shut the fuck up it’s 6am

Kyle’s Bro: shut up clyde it’s so early

TacoMASTER: gosh darn so many haters

<Fatboy is online>

Fatboy: clyde I swear to god I will make you eat your dad if you don’t shut the fuck up

<Butter_my_nutters is online>

<Aa$$$ is online>

Craig: great you woke up almost everyone

Aa$$$: could someone please change my name??? My dad saw it and he was just like what the fuck

Craig: no

<TacoMASTER changed Aa$$$’s username>

PressedHams: what?

PressedHams: oh my god clyde this is worse

TooMuchPressure: oh my god

Craig: it suits you

Fatboy: that’s very gay

TacoMASTER: what else did you expect? He has the best hams I have ever seen

TooMuchPressure: I have to disagree

<KennyMcDick is online>

KennyMcDick: OH MY GOD CLYDE MY MAN

Butter_my_nutters: sorry to interrupt this debate but does anyone know when this trip is?

Craig: oh yeah that would be useful

TooMuchPressure: well we can’t possibly be late now seeing as our dear Clyde woke us up at the crack of dawn

Craig: true

<Gingerbread is online>

Gingerbread: we have to be in school by 8am

KennyMcDick: Kyle go back to sleep

Gingerbread: nah it’s okay I gotta call my mom

Kyle’s Bro: great you woke up Kyle

TacoMASTER: so? Everyone else is awake

Fatboy: yeah but Kyle’s a Pussy who needs more nap time

Kyle’s Bro: Cartman what

Butter_my_nutters: thanks Kyle I haven’t even started packing a bag yet

Butter_my_nutters: I’m on snack duty right?

Fatboy: butters are you Fucking kidding me? We’ve been through the plan for a week

Fatboy: butters and me are snack transporters. Kyle and Stan are on bus seat reservation

Gingerbread: and Ike. He said I could throw him so I’m down

Fatboy: shut up Kyle

Kyle’s Bro: rude

Fatboy: Craig and Tweek need to steal the register so they don’t notice our absence too much. Clyde and Token are on entertainment

TacoMASTER: oh I remember now

PressedHams: I got a Bluetooth speaker, a Nintendo switch, two Nintendo DS’s and a pack of cards so our bus ride is as fun as possible

Craig: I swear if you play mario kart again I’m going to kill you

TacoMASTER: MARIO KART ALL THE WAY BOY

TacoMASTER: I got some colouring books

Fatboy: Clyde are you serious

Fatboy: anyway that leaves kenny, who is on weed and alcohol duty

KennyMcDick: WEED IS ON THE HOUSE BOYS

Craig: fuck yes

TacoMASTER: weeeeeeed

Kyle’s Bro: u better have brought some good drinks or I’m leaving

KennyMcDick: bud light, some cider for the kiddies, and half a bottle of Jim beam for the pros. Mostly beer tho that’s my dad’s fav

Craig: not bad

Kyle’s Bro: I reserve the Jim beam please

Fatboy: you can’t call dibs you asshole!

KennyMcDick: ok Jim beam is unavailable

Fatboy: fuck you stan!

Kyle’s Bro: fuck off

TacoMASTER: ok Jimmy’s just volunteered to help seat reservation because his mum wants to go up early to find some kind of disability benefits

TacoMASTER: he also says that his crutches are like two extra people and he can smack people over the head with them

Fatboy: sweet

KennyMcDick: we got this in the bag

TacoMASTER: dude I can’t even remember what the school trip is for

Kyle’s Bro: I don’t think any of us can

Kyle’s Bro: just got word from Wendy that she’s willing to help out cos she’s been to this trip loads of times because it’s all the school can afford

Kyle’s Bro: so all the girls are in

Craig: we have an army

Gingerbread: well it’s 7 am so me, Ike and Stan are gonna head up and try and sneak into the bus

TacoMASTER: good luck men

Butter_my_nutters: yeah good luck!

Kyle’s Bro: if we don’t make it then tell Wendy about my sacrifice

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

<Gingerbread has left the chat>

Butter_my_nutters: so who gave me these onion rings to reserve?

PressedHams: me

Butter_my_nutters: and the gummy bears?

TooMuchPressure: the giant pack

Butter_my_nutters: yeah it’s as big as my head!

TooMuchPressure: that’s mine

Fatboy: why are you asking butters just cram them in

Butter_my_nutters: I’m putting labels on them so you don’t steal em and pretend they’re yours

Craig: that is a great idea please continue

Fatboy: SHUT THE FUCK UP BUTTERS

TacoMASTER: so are the drinks in the same bag or

Butter_my _nutters: no Eric is holding the drinks cos I shake around to much

TacoMASTER: FUCK THIS TRIP IS GONNA BE FUCKING AMAZING

~

<Gingerbread is online>

Gingerbread: we got the seats but you have to hurry

TacoMASTER: I’m sprinting

Gingerbread: the Barbies are trying to steal them

PressedHams: NOT THE BARBIES

Fatboy: use Jimmy’s crutches and aim for the hair and face they hate that

Gingerbread: ok but there’s a lot of them

Gingerbread: they’re screaming at us

Craig: yell back

Fatboy: almost there I’m sending backup with me Tweek and Craig

TooMuchPressure: there’s no way I’ve done all of this effort to get my seat stolen by a barbie!

Gingerbread: there’s too many they snatched one of the crutches

Fatboy: backup is arriving

KennyMcDick: NEVER FEAR FOR KENNY IS HERE

PressedHams: I see the bus

Fatboy: close in close in

TacoMASTER: oh my god there’s so many

TacoMASTER: [image of ten blond girls with fake tan and fake nails screaming at Kyle, Stan, Ike and Jimmy, who are linking arms in an attempt to stay rooted on the seats. Ike is on Kyle’s shoulders, waving the last crutch. Behind the blondes, you can see Cartman charging towards them, screaming]

Butter_my_nutters: I’m here I’m here

~

PressedHams: that was close

TacoMASTER: I got pics as blackmail if they come back

Gingerbread: Craig tore out the leader’s extensions out they ain’t coming back

Craig: me and Tweek get dibs on the right corner

PressedHams: ok me and Clyde on the left corner

Fatboy: ay!

Butter_my_nutters: I want a window seat cos I like looking at all the other cars!

Fatboy: that’s so Fucking gay

KennyMcDick: ok me and Kyle want the two seats in front of Tweek and Craig

Kyle’s Bro: me and Wendy can sit on the two in front of you then and then Cartman and butters can hog the three seaters on the opposite side in front of Clyde and token

Fatboy: fine

Butter_my_nutters: Eric you’re my bud buddy then!

Fatboy: never say that again

TacoMASTER: dude can we turn on the speaker now?

PressedHams: wait until the bud starts or the teacher can confiscate it in school

Craig: wtf is Ike doing???

Gingerbread: being an arrogant asshole that’s what

TacoMASTER: he’s poking your eye over and over

TooMuchPressure: can I ask why?

Kyle’s Bro: dude just give him his cut

Gingerbread: no they’re my sweets I never said I would

KennyMcDick: hang on let’s make out in front of him

PressedHams: well that worked

TacoMASTER: ITS TIME TO PARTY MY BROS AND HOES

<Kyle’s Bro has left the chat>

Gingerbread: and here come the girls

Craig: gross

TacoMASTER: that’s pretty gay of you

TooMuchPressure: butters would I have my gummy bears?

Butter_my_nutters: sure!

TacoMASTER: holy shit who needs that much gummy bears

TooMuchPressure: me

Fatboy: ok the bus is leaving you know what that means

KennyMcDick: LETS HAVE A BOP BOYS

~

“NO FUCK YOU THAT’S NOT TRUE!”

Music hummed loudly throughout the bus, but not loud enough to mask Clyde’s outraged yell. The teen in question was standing on his seat, pointing an accusing finger at Bebe.

“Admit it! Ross and Rachel were the best for each other! The show ended that way!” Bebe yelled back, hands on her hips.

“But Joey and Rachel fit better! The show got it wrong! Fuck Ross dude!”

“Shut up, trying to be gay here!” Craig’s drawling voice shouted. He was resting his cheek on Tweek’s head. His boyfriend was slowly feeding him gummy bears, grinning. “You’re ruining the moment.”

With a sigh, Token turned up the speaker further, drowning out their voices fully. As _Sweater Weather_ began to blast, Cartman threw a cheesy poof across the bus and into Kyle’s hair.

“What the fuck Cartman!” Kyle stood up and, in one swift movement, tipped all the remaining crisps over Cartman’s head. Butters burst out laughing as Cartman flushed a deep red.

“My cheesy poofs!” He screamed, suddenly tacking Kyle to the ground. Clyde paused from his argument, eyes lighting up in excitement.

“FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!” He began to yell. Others joined in as Kyle punched Cartman hard in the face, making his nose spurt out blood.

“That’s enough!” A worn out teacher tried to direct from the front, but her voice was lost in the noise blasting from the back.

Stan and Wendy looked up from the Switch Token had brought, watching the fight for a few seconds.

“Kyle always wins. It’s not even entertaining anymore.” The raven-haired told his girlfriend, and together they resumed playing Animal Crossing.

“Fuck you Kyle! Fuck you!” Cartman wheezed, retreating to his chair with a chubby hand clutched around his nose. Butters handed him some tissues.

“Oh my gosh Wendy where did you get that eye shadow?” Kenny asked over the booming music, sipping on a coke can. Wendy turned from the game, nudging Stan playfully as he made his character smack hers over the head with a net.

“It was actually on sale, can you believe it?” She replied.

“No way!” Kenny gasped, peering closer. “It has glitter in it!”

“I’ve got other colours too…red, black, blue…the black would look great on you.”

“You think so?” Kenny asked. Wendy nodded, fishing it out of her bag.

“Hold still.” She unscrewed the cap, twisting in her chair so she was leaning over to Kenny.

“Ok…” Wendy hummed. “Open.”

Kenny opened his eyes, looking in the mirror.

“You did great! I could never do a job like this…” Kenny said happily. He turned to Kyle, grinning. “Do I look pretty?”

“Dude, you know what I’m going to say.” Kyle nudged him lightly, leaning on his shoulder.

“FUCK OFF BEBE!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP CLYDE!”

The shouting reached its peak. Apparently Token had had enough, and locked his lips onto Clyde’s. Clyde gave a surprised grunt before sinking down in his seat, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

“Why the fuck is everyone gay here?” Cartman muttered, folding his arms. Butters didn’t answer, but held up a piece of paper in his face.

“Wanna play hangman with me?” He asked happily. Cartman rolled his eyes, snatching the piece of paper away.

“Me first.” He replied shorty.


End file.
